


Big Miss Steak

by gremlinpants



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Multi, Texting, Very loose plot, bambam is the family disappointment, jinyoung is a tired mother., loose plot, mark and jackson r in luv, pls help the children, this takes place in college but everything is told through texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2018-11-29 18:12:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11446302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gremlinpants/pseuds/gremlinpants
Summary: hit the stage: guys make a dif gc or smth pls i'm in class and ur distracting medaddy~: then get off your phonewild n sexy: youngjaes in class too but he's not complaininghit the stage: p l s  j u s t  st o pcertified Mom: If you're going to complainhit the stage: wotcertified Mom: Then join your brother in hellhit the stage: WOT[certified Mom has removed hit the stage from the group]wild n sexy: holyt shit





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> henlooo i hate that this is going to be my first published fic asdefhdasjj starting off strong amiright ladies!!!! this fic is a mistake and so am i enjoy
> 
> (ps. none of the contact names for the boys are particularly creative or anything, but like. that’s fine.)
> 
> (pps. in this fic, the boys are in college together. just so we’re clear)
> 
> (ppps. if there's smth you'd like to see happen in future chapters, lmk! ;)))

XOXOXO

 

_[chatroom: **#stopbambam2k17** ] _

 

 **The Family Disappointment™** : WHO DID IT

 

 **certified Mom** : Did what

 

 **The Family Disappointment™** : WHO CHANGED MY NAME FROM DABDAB

 

 **The Family Disappointment™** : TO "THE FAMILY DISAPPOINTMENT"

 

 **The Family Disappointment™** : I AM THE DAB KING IM NOT THE FAMILY DISAPPOINTMENT THAT TITLE BELONGS TO JACKSON

 

 **wild n sexy** : NO IT DOESNT SHUT THE UP

 

 **markipoo** : "Shut the up"

 

 **wild n sexy** : i know what i said u fat whore

 

 **The Family Disappointment™** : FESS UP WHO DID IT

 

 **daddy~** : at least your name isn't "daddy"

 

 **The Family Disappointment™** : PLS I JUST WANT TO BE DABDAB

 

 **certified Mom** : And I didn't want this many kids but we don't all get what we want

 

 **daddy~** : tbh bam's the only one i didn't want

 

 **The Family Disappointment™** : pls stop bullying me i'm just a baby

 

 **wild n sexy** : mom am i ur fav son

 

 **certified Mom** : No

 

 **wild n sexy** : WHAG THEN WHO IS

 

 **markipoo** : "Whag"

 

 **wild n sexy** : who. is it.

 

 **markipoo** : It's me

 

 **wild n sexy** : ya RITE

 

 **certified Mom** : He's not wrong

 

 **The Family Disappointment™** : SOMEONE ANSWER ME WHO CHANGED MY MCFREAKIN NAME

 

 **wild n sexy** : why am i not ur favorite!!!!!!

 

 **certified Mom** : Well, for starters, you literally named yourself "wild n sexy"

 

 **wild n sexy** : lol it's tru tho

 

 **markipoo** : Yeah

 

 **wild n sexy** : ...mark... markipoo... omg...

 

 **wild n sexy** : did u just agree w me... omg... my heart....

 

 **markipoo** : Shut the up

 

 **wild n sexy** : how dARE u use mY OWN WORDS AGAINST ME

 

 **The Family Disappointment™** : im just gonna change my name back to dabdab ok cool thanks and @ whoever changed it, i'll kill u

 

 **daddy~** : if you change it back i'll kick you out of the gc

 

 **dabdab** : too late dabdab is back and better than ever

 

 **daddy~** : k

 

 **dabdab** : WAIT DONT PLS

 

_[ **daddy~** has removed **dabdab** from the group] _

 

 **certified Mom** : Goodbye my son

 

 **hit the stage** : guys make a dif gc or smth pls i'm in class and ur distracting me

 

 **daddy~** : then get off your phone

 

 **wild n sexy** : youngjaes in class too but he's not complaining

 

 **hit the stage** : p l s  j u s t  st o p

 

 **certified Mom** : If you're going to complain

 

 **hit the stage** : wot

 

 **certified Mom** : Then join your brother in hell

 

 **hit the stage** : WOT

 

_[ **certified Mom** has removed **hit the stage** from the group] _

 

 **wild n sexy** : holyt shit

 

 **markipoo** : "Holyt"

 

XOXOXO

 

_[chatroom: **#stopbambam2k17** ] _

 

_[ **wild n sexy** added **dabdab** to the group] _

 

_[ **wild n sexy** added **hit the stage** to the group] _

 

 **dabdab** : U CAN NEVER GET RID OF ME

 

 **markipoo** : I wish we could

 

 **dabdab** : WHAT

 

 **wild n sexy** : GAHAHAHA

 

 **certified Mom** : Why would you add them back

 

 **wild n sexy** : bam made me!

 

 **dabdab** : no i didn't you volunteered to add us back!!!

 

 **wild n sexy** : lol u right

 

 **youngbae** : Hi everyone ^^

 

 **daddy~** : hi youngjae

 

 **wild n sexy** : hey

 

 **markipoo** : Hi

 

 **certified Mom** : Hi

 

 **dabdab** : henlo

 

 **youngbae** : I just read everything omg "The Family Disappointment"

 

 **dabdab** : still offended btw AND ALSO STILL WONDERING WHO CHANGED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE

 

 **wild n sexy** : it was probably mark tbh

 

 **dabdab** : how do u know omg

 

 **wild n sexy** : bcus he just turned to me, laughed, and said "it was me"

 

 **certified Mom** : Exposed

 

 **dabdab** : MARK TUAN WHAT THE EVEN SHIT

 

 **certified Mom** : Don't curse, you're just a child

 

 **daddy~** : yeah watch your fucking mouth

 

 **dabdab** : MARK WHY

 

 **wild n sexy** : he deadass just looked me straight in the eye and said "i do what i want"

 

 **dabdab** : MAAARK

 

 **markipoo** : Lol

 

 **youngbae** : Mark is a savage

 

 **certified Mom** : Wait are you both in the dorm right now?

 

 **markipoo** : Not yet, but we're on our way there

 

 **certified Mom** : Class got out early?

 

 **markipoo** : Yeah

 

 **wild n sexy** : what, did u think we skipped class or smth lol

 

 **certified Mom** : Don't ask questions you know the answer to

 

 **wild n sexy** : ... i am... offended...

 

 **youngbae** : Do you guys want to meet for coffee, since my class ended too?

 

 **wild n sexy** : yaaaaaa~~~~~

 

 **youngbae** : :D

 

 **hit the stage** : hi everyone i'm here too now!

 

 **certified Mom** : Shut up

 

 **wild n sexy** : ya shut the up

 

 **dabdab** : shut ur mouth!!!

 

 **hit the stage** : WHY WHAT DID I DO

 

 **certified Mom** : I said shut up

 

 **daddy~** : listen to your mother

 

 **dabdab** : hahahaah

 

 **hit the stage** : I DISNT DO ANGTHIN

 

 **markipoo** : "Disnt do angthin"

 

 **hit the stage** : WHY DID YOUNGJAE GET GREETED NICELY BY EVERYONE BUT U ALL TELL ME TO SHUT UP

 

 **certified Mom** : Take a wild guess

 

 **youngbae** : :000

 

 **hit the stage** : you're the worst i hate you

 

 **wild n sexy** : .... o shit....

 

 **certified Mom** : How dare you speak to your mother like this.

 

 **dabdab** : fight!!! fight!!! fight!!!!!!!

 

 **hit the stage** : you're not my real mother!

 

 **wild n sexy** : called out holyt shit

 

 **markipoo** : "Holyt"

 

 **daddy~** : watch your attitude or you're grounded

 

 **dabdab** : do it

 

 **dabdab** : ground him, no balls u won't

 

 **daddy~** : bam, i've removed you once, i'll do it again

 

 **dabdab** : i'm sorry ill b a good kiddo

 

 **daddy~** : you better

 

 **youngbae** : So is anyone else free to meet up for coffee?

 

 **hit the stage** : i am!!

 

 **hit the stage** : youngjae where u at so i can meet u

 

 **youngbae** : I'm on my way to the student lot

 

 **hit the stage** : cool, i'll meet u there

 

 **youngbae** : Anyone else coming?

 

 **dabdab** : ooh~ me me me!!!

 

 **certified Mom** : Don't you have class now?

 

 **dabdab** : so what

 

 **daddy~** : why are you even on your phone?

 

_[ **certified Mom** has removed **dabdab** from the group] _

 

 **certified Mom** : There. Problem solved.

 

 **certified Mom** : Anyway, I would join you guys, but I have class with Jaebum soon

 

 **certified Mom** : Also, can someone add Bam back to the gc after he gets out of class?

 

 **wild n sexy** : don't worry i will

 

 **certified Mom** : Thanks

 

 **daddy~** : later tonight, we should all get bbq

 

 **wild n sexy** : YAAAAAS

 

 **markipoo** : !!!!!

 

 **daddy~** : just come by the dorm when you're all done w/ classes or whatever, and we can head out

 

 **youngbae** : Sounds like a plan!

 

_[ **youngbae** added **dabdab** to the group] _

 

 **dabdab** : thanks bae <33

 

 **markipoo** : Someone remove him again

 

XOXOXO


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #prayforjackson2k17

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** #stopbambam2k17 ** ] _

 

 ** daddy~ ** : JACKSON.

 

 ** daddy~ ** : WHERE DID YOU GO

 

_ [ ** markipoo **  renamed chatroom:  ** #prayforjackson2k17 ** ] _

 

 ** dabdab ** : IT DOESNT TAKE THIS LONG TO USE THE BATHROOM

 

 ** dabdab ** : UNLESS UR TAKING A MASSIVE SHIT

 

 ** dabdab ** : IN WHICH CASE I APOLOGIZE FOR RUSHING U AND I HOPE UR POOP IS COMING OUT REAL NICELY

 

 ** certified Mom ** : I'm sending Youngjae and Yugyeom to check on you.

 

 ** certified Mom ** : Both have already received my permission to punch you if you're doing something stupid

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [ ** markipoo **  -->>  ** wild n sexy ] ** _

 

 ** markipoo ** : Where are you?

 

 ** markipoo ** : Are you okay?

 

 ** markipoo ** : Jackson

 

 ** markipoo ** : Jackson.

 

 ** markipoo ** : Jacksoooon

 

 ** markipoo ** : Gaga!

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : MARKIPOOO~~

 

 ** markipoo ** : !!!

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : don't tell on me

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : but i'm in the lot beside the restaurant and

 

 ** markipoo ** : Oh my god

 

 ** markipoo ** : Are you hurt or in danger?

 

 ** markipoo ** : Is anyone threatening you?

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : it's okay it's okay omg

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : it's cute you're worrying about me tho aw <333

 

 ** markipoo ** : I'm coming out to get you

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : omg u don't have to

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : actually pls do lol i want u to cheer me on

 

 ** markipoo ** : Cheer you on?

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : hurry up and get out here it's almost my turn!!

 

 ** markipoo ** : Almost your turn for what?

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : ttyl~

 

 ** markipoo ** : JACKSON

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** #prayforjackson2k17 ** ] _

 

 ** certified Mom ** : It's been at least a half hour. Has anyone heard from him or found him?

 

 ** hit the stage ** : no, and now we can't find mark either

 

 ** daddy~ ** : i'm assuming mark is wherever jackson is

 

 ** certified Mom ** : Safe assumption.

 

 ** youngbae ** : If Mark's with him, then they're probably okay, right?

 

 ** daddy~ ** : i don't think anything bad has happened to them

 

 ** daddy~ ** : i just have the feeling

 

 ** daddy~ ** : they're doing something really fucking stupid right now

 

 ** daddy~ ** : most likely instigated by jackson

 

 ** dabdab ** : G U Y S

 

 ** dabdab ** : I WENT OUTSIDE TO CHECK IF JACKSON WAS OUT THERE

 

 ** dabdab ** : AND I FOUND A BUNCH OF PPL GATHERED AROUND THE LOT

 

 ** certified Mom ** : I can already tell I'm going to have to ground Jackson.

 

 ** dabdab ** : SO I GOT CURIOUS AND WENT OVER

 

 ** hit the stage ** : oh no

 

 ** dabdab ** : AND I FOUND OUT THERES A SHOPPING CART RACE

 

 ** certified Mom ** : Jackson is officially grounded.

 

 ** dabdab ** : SO I DECIDED TO STICK AROUND AND WATCH FOR A FEW MINUTES

 

 ** dabdab ** : AND GUESS WHOS FUCKING RACING NEXT

 

 ** youngbae ** : Of course he would

 

 ** dabdab ** : ITS FUCKING JACKSON

 

 ** hit the stage ** : i'm not surprised tbh

 

 ** daddy~ ** : AT LEAST NOW I FUCKIGN KNOW I CANT EVEN LET JACKSON PEE BY HIMSELF OR ELSE HE'LL WANDER OFF AND COMPETE IN A FUCKING SHOPPING CART RACE

 

 ** certified Mom ** : I'm almost impressed???

 

 ** daddy~ ** : (me too but shh)

 

 ** daddy~ ** : i just wanted a nice bbq dinner with the family

 

 ** daddy~ ** : but apparently that's too much to ask for with this group

 

 ** markipoo ** : Hey

 

 ** certified Mom ** : Mark, where are you?

 

 ** markipoo ** : Don't worry guys

 

 ** dabdab ** : omfg guys you'll nEVER BELIEVE WHO JACKSON IS RACING AGAINST

 

 ** hit the stage ** : oh my god don't tell me

 

 ** markipoo ** : I will defeat The Evil.

 

 ** dabdab ** : MARK JUST JUMPED INTO A SHOPPING CART HES GONNA RACE JACKSON

 

 ** dabdab ** : JACKSON LOOKS SO MCFREAKIN SHOOK

 

 **certified** **Mom** : Okay.

 

 **certified** **Mom** : All in favor of ditching BBQ to watch Mark beat Jackson in a shopping cart race and make him cry, say 'aye'.

 

 **hit** **the** **stage** : aye

 

 ** youngbae ** : Aye

 

**daddy~** : aye

 

 **certified** **Mom** : Let's go

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** #prayforjackson2k17 ** ] _

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : highkey offended NO ONE CHEERED ME ON

 

 ** certified Mom ** : You abandoned us at a family dinner to race in a shopping cart!

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : YEAH WELL

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : YOU ALL BULLIED ME

 

 ** markipoo ** : ¯\\_( ツ )_/¯

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : omg where did that come from

 

 ** markipoo ** : ¯\\_( ツ )_/¯

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : did u just copy and paste that or what

 

 ** markipoo ** : ¯\\_( ツ )_/¯

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : MAAARK

 

 ** dabdab ** : go flirt somewhere else

 

 ** dabdab ** : not in front on the children

 

 ** markipoo ** : Who is "the children"

 

 ** dabdab ** : it me

 

 ** markipoo ** : ah

 

 ** dabdab ** : and also youngjae

 

 ** markipoo ** : Not yugyeom?

 

 ** dabdab ** : yugyeom is a giant no

 

 ** markipoo ** : That's fair

 

 ** dabdab ** : ye

 

 ** dabdab ** : BUT ANYWAY

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : !!!!!!?!???

 

 ** dabdab ** : UR ABOUT TO BE EXPOSED BINCHES

 

 ** markipoo ** : "Binches"

 

 ** dabdab ** : FAMILY MEETING. RIGHT NOW.

 

 **certified** **Mom** : Why are we calling a family meeting so late?

 

 ** hit the stage ** : yeah it's almost 2 and we all have classes tomorrow ?¿?

 

 ** daddy~ ** : i can't sleep tho so

 

 ** hit the stage ** : i can lol good night

 

 ** certified Mom ** : Sleep well

 

 ** hit the stage ** : thanks

 

 ** certified Mom ** : So what's this family meeting on?

 

 ** dabdab ** : it's about mark and jackson

 

 ** dabdab ** : being in ~love~

 

 ** markipoo ** : Lol

 

 ** daddy~ ** : okay¿

 

**certified Mom** : We all know they're obviously pining for each other,

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : s top;;

 

**certified Mom** : but why are you bringing this up now?

 

 ** markipoo ** : Stop this

 

 **wild** **n sexy** : don't expose us

 

 ** dabdab ** : bcus as soon as the shopping cart race thing ended and we all got separated from the crowd

 

 ** daddy~ ** : we didn't all get separated, we just went back to finish dinner

 

 ** certified Mom ** : And you wanted to play in the shopping carts so we left you

 

 ** dabdab ** : yeah that was rude and we will come back to that BUT ANYWAY

 

 ** dabdab ** : when u guys left

 

 ** dabdab ** : i found mark and jackson

 

 ** dabdab ** : and jackson was crying bcus he lost to mark

 

 ** markipoo ** : No?? He wasn't??

 

 ** certified Mom ** : HAHAHAHA

 

 ** daddy~ ** : LMAO

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : BITCH NO I WASNT

 

 ** dabdab ** : so mark kISSED HIM TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER

 

 ** certified Mom ** : Aww

 

 ** markipoo ** : 1) It was just on the cheek

 

 ** markipoo ** : 2) I'm always affectionate with you guys?

 

 **wild** **n sexy** : how quickly you dismiss our love

 

 ** markipoo ** : 3) I have higher standards than Jackson

 

 ** dabdab ** : get ROASTED

 

 **certified** **Mom** : This is true

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : "I have higher standards than Jackson" BOI THATS FUCKING RUDE

 

 ** markipoo ** : ¯\\_( ツ )_/¯

 

 ** daddy~ ** : i can't believe bam called a family meeting over *nothing*

 

 **certified** **Mom** : I can

 

 ** markipoo ** : I can

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : i can

 

 ** daddy~ ** : yeah i lied, of course he would

 

 ** dabdab ** : :(((

 

 ** markipoo ** : Anyway, it's late. We should all go to sleep.

 

 **certified** **Mom** : I agree. I have to stay up a little longer to study, but you should all go to bed.

 

 ** dabdab ** : lol "study" is codeword for making out with jb (¬‿¬)

 

 **certified** **Mom** : No, it's not

 

 ** daddy~ ** : yes it is

 

 ** dabdab ** : ASKGEBHID WHAT

 

 ** hit the stage ** : WHAT REALLY

 

 ** daddy~ ** : no, now go to sleep

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : :((

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : okaaay

 

 ** wild n sexy ** : goodnight everyone!

 

 ** dabdab ** : night night <3

 

**daddy~** : goodnight kids

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** #prayforjackson2k17 ** ] _

 

 ** daddy~ ** : good morning everyone! i hope you all slept well, and i hope everyone has a great day.

 

 ** dabdab ** : !!! <3

 

 ** youngbae ** : You seem really cheerful, did something good happen?

 

 ** daddy~ ** : is it really that strange for me to be happy?

 

 ** markipoo ** : Jinyoung tripped and fell in the parking lot.

 

 ** dabdab ** : WOW

 

 ** daddy ** **~** : in my defense,

 

 ** daddy~ ** : it was really funny.

 

XOXOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am a gremlin that feeds off of validation!! feed me!!!!!!!
> 
> thanks for reading, and i'll see you soon!
> 
> stan tumblr: saltygot7  
> stan twitter: taetuans


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pls yugyeom just let bambam lov u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back w/ some more shit for u guys to read lolol enjoy!!

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** #prayforjackson2k17 ** ] _

 

** dabdab ** : string cheese.

 

** hit the stage ** : what?

 

** dabdab ** : string cheese. cheese string. do you have any?

 

** hit the stage ** : um. no?

 

** dabdab ** : that's too bad. i had a craving that only string cheese could satisfy

 

** hit the stage ** : wtf

 

** certified Mom ** : Go to class, BamBam.

 

** dabdab ** : okay mommy~~~

 

** hit the stage ** : brb i just threw tf up

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:   **#prayforjackson2k17** ] _

 

** dabdab ** : when you become famous you're called a legend because your leg ends

 

** hit the stage ** : what

 

** dabdab ** : your leg

 

** dabdab ** : it Ends.

 

**certified** **Mom** : I'm not a linguist but I think that's wrong

 

** dabdab ** : are you saying your leg doesn't end?

 

** daddy~ ** : i mean. at some point it does. yes.

 

** dabdab ** : Then what's the Problem.

 

_ [ ** markipoo ** has removed  ** dabdab ** from the group] _

 

** markipoo ** : The Evil is defeated

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** #prayforjackson2k17 ** ] _

 

_ [ ** hit the stage  ** added  ** dabdab ** to the group] _

 

** dabdab ** : i'm back ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

** markipoo ** : No,,, put that face away

 

** dabdab ** : (  ͡ °  ͜ʖ ͡ °)

 

** hit the stage ** : (  ͡ °  ͜ʖ ͡ °)

 

** dabdab ** : (  ͡ °  ͜ʖ ͡ °)

 

** hit the stage ** : (  ͡ °  ͜ʖ ͡ °)

 

** markipoo ** : I'll remove you both if you don't cut it out

 

** dabdab ** : o ͡͡͡ ╮ ༼  •  ʖ̯  •  ༽ ╭ o ͡͡͡

 

** markipoo ** : What

 

** markipoo ** : is that

 

** dabdab ** : he Rises.

 

** markipoo ** : That was really ominous and I'm concerned now

 

_ [ ** hit the stage ** renamed chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

** markipoo ** : No

 

** markipoo ** : Stop

 

** dabdab ** : Stop Stop It by GOT7

 

** markipoo ** : ??

 

** dabdab ** : oops sorry forgot this is just a college au/texting fic where GOT7 doesn't exist!!! lolol my mistake

 

** dabdab ** : i won't break the fourth wall again~~

 

** hit the stage ** : are u blazed off ur ass rn

 

** dabdab ** : no!!! i am a child of god

 

** dabdab ** : i have never even Seen the Devil's Lettuce

 

** daddy~ ** : can't you be normal for 5 seconds

 

** hit the stage ** : you know he can't.

 

** daddy~ ** : this is true. but sometimes i hope

 

** markipoo ** : Sometimes hope is all we have

 

** hit the stage ** : wow

 

** dabdab ** : that was rlly deep??

 

** markipoo ** : Shut the up

 

** dabdab ** : o

 

** hit the stage ** : o ͡͡͡ ╮ ༼  •  ʖ̯  •  ༽ ╭ o ͡͡͡

 

** dabdab ** : o ͡͡͡ ╮ ༼  •  ʖ̯  •  ༽ ╭ o ͡͡͡

 

_ [ ** markipoo ** has removed  ** dabdab ** from the group] _

 

_ [ ** markipoo ** has removed  ** hit the stage **  from the group] _

 

** daddy~ ** : doing god's work.

 

** markipoo ** : Yes.

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

_ [ ** wild n sexy  ** added  ** dabdab ** to the group] _

 

_ [ **wild n sexy**   added  ** hit the stage ** to the group] _

 

** dabdab ** : this is why jackson is my favorite

 

** wild n sexy ** : ( づ￣  ³ ￣ ) づ

 

** hit the stage ** : i thought i was your favorite

 

** dabdab ** : lol rlly?? wow look @ the time gtg

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

** wild n sexy ** : noah fence but,,

 

** markipoo ** : Who is Noah Fence?

 

**certified Mom** : An enigma

 

** youngbae ** : Me

 

** markipoo ** : Oh

 

** wild n sexy ** : ,,, don't...,, interrupt.., me,,,....????..,,

 

** youngbae ** : Sorry sorry continue

 

** wild n sexy ** : thx <3

 

** youngbae ** : ~<3~

 

** hit the stage ** : omg~~<3

 

** youngbae ** : No! the heart! wasn't! for! you!

 

** markipoo ** : Yeah get out!

 

**hit the** **stage** : ~~</3

 

** dabdab ** : i want your heart gyeomie!! (*´ ♡ ´*)

 

** hit the stage ** : fuckin ew what is that

 

** dabdab ** : it's me!! (*´♡´*) loving you!!!!

 

** dabdab ** : (*´ ♡ ´*)

 

** hit the stage ** : it's fuckin ugly

 

** dabdab ** : no it's not?!?!!!!!??

 

** wild n sexy ** : uM? i wAS TRYING TO FUCKIGN SPEAK?? caN I PLEASE??

 

** dabdab ** : JACKSON WANG, I WANT YOU TO EAT OUT MY FUCKING ASSHOLE.

 

** youngbae ** : THAT ESCALATED REALLY QUICKLY?

 

** markipoo ** : WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE

 

**certified** **Mom** : Why are you all screaming?

 

** daddy~ ** : what's going on

 

** wild n sexy ** : I WAS TRYNA SPEAK BUT NOW NO ONE IS GIVING ME ATTENTION

 

** dabdab ** : YUGYEOM WONT LET ME LOVE HIM

 

** hit the stage ** : THATS BOT WHATS HAPPENING U FUCKIN SNAKKEE

 

** dabdab ** : U REJECTED MY (*´ ♡ ´*) FACE U DUMB BITCH

 

** hit the stage ** : CAUSE ITS FUCKIUNG UGLY

 

** dabdab ** : SO ARE U BITCH

 

** wild n sexy ** : STOP FUCKING SWEARING

 

** daddy~ ** : WATCH YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE YOU PIECES OF SHIT

 

** youngbae ** : EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP YELLING YOURE SCARING ME

 

** certified Mom ** : STOP YELLING YOURE SCARING YOUNGJAE

 

** wild n sexy ** : WHY DOEANT ANYONE LET ME FUCKG SOEAK!! I JUST WANTED TO SOEAK!!!

 

** markipoo ** : "SOEAK"

 

** hit the stage ** : ALL YOU DO IS SPEAK!!!!

 

** dabdab ** : YUGYEOM PAY ATTENTION TO ME I WANT U TO APOLOGIZE FOR DOIN ME DIRTYYY

 

** hit the stage ** : ALL I DID WAS CALL UR EMOJI THING UGLY HOW DID I DO U DIRTY

 

** dabdab ** : BCUS U CALLED IT UGLY AND IGNORED MY LOVE!!

 

**certified Mom** : CHILDREN BEHAVE

 

** markipoo ** : ,,,,,,,;,,;;;

 

** youngbae ** : AHHHHHHHH

 

** daddy~ ** : you're all fucking adopted.

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [ ** dabdab ** \-->>  ** hit the stage ** ] _

 

** dabdab ** : (*´♡´*)

 

** hit the stage ** : i hate you.

 

** dabdab ** : ( ಥ ﹏ ಥ )

 

XOXOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gimme validation pls <33333
> 
> (also if the format for notes is being weird, idk why, just let it happen.)
> 
> stan tumblr: saltygot7  
> stan twitter: taetuans


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yugyeom still won't luv bambam :((

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

** hit the stage ** : when u hear mama jinyoung's key in the door, and all the lights are on, the trash full, and u ain't done one dish :))))

 

** dabdab ** : Mommy I Sowwyy

 

** youngbae ** : Can you go be nasty somewhere else

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

** dabdab ** : alright

 

** dabdab ** : don't kill me,,,

 

** dabdab ** : but....

 

** certified Mom ** : You know we have to kill you once you start it with "don't kill me, but..."

 

** dabdab ** : if ur just gonna kill me, i don't even wanna tell u what i was about to tell u!!

 

** hit the stage ** : good, bitch

 

** dabdab ** : gyeomie!!! ( づ￣  ³ ￣ ) づ

 

** dabdab ** : u wouldn't kill me, right?? <3

 

** dabdab ** : because we're best best beeeest friiieeeends, riiiiiiight???

 

** certified Mom ** : Bam, you're literally setting yourself up to get roasted.

 

** dabdab ** : gyeomie~~~~ c;

 

** hit the stage ** : no you're so weird

 

** dabdab ** : !!! yugie~~ i love you, though~~~

 

** hit the stage ** : fuckin ew

 

** dabdab ** : DONT BE HOMOPHOBIC

 

** hit the stage ** : ASHEBKDHASDFE

 

** hit the stage ** : IM NOT HOMOPHOBIC SHUP UT

 

** dabdab ** : THEN WHY WONT U LUV ME

 

** hit the stage ** : I DONT LOVE YOU FOR SEVERAL REASONS,

 

** hit the stage ** : BUT NONE OF THEM ARE BCUS IM HOMOPHOBIC, YOU SHIT

 

** certified Mom ** : Wait,

 

** certified Mom ** : I'll let you go back to arguing in a sec, but BamBam-- what did you originally text the group chat for?

 

** youngbae ** : Yeah, what were you going to say?

 

** dabdab ** : o youngjae ur here!!

 

** youngbae ** : Yes, hello!!

 

** youngbae ** : What were you going to say?

 

** dabdab ** : O RIGHT

 

** dabdab ** i was gonna say

 

** dabdab ** : don't kill me but.....

 

** dabdab ** : .....::....,,...

 

** hit the stage ** : ??

** dabdab ** : ....,,,,,,,,,

 

** youngbae ** : ????

 

** dabdab ** : ..............

 

** dabdab ** : ,,,,,,,...........::.::.:......

 

** hit the stage ** : will you just fuckin say it already

 

** dabdab ** : lol

 

** dabdab ** : i frogit what i was gonn sayyy

 

** dabdab ** : sowwy ~~ (• u •)

 

** certified Mom ** : Well.

 

** certified Mom ** : Disappointed but not surprised.

 

** hit the stage ** : ^^^

 

** youngbae ** : ^^

 

** The Family Disappointment™ ** : hehehe

 

** The Family Disappointment™ ** : WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

 

** certified Mom ** : Ha

 

** The Family Disappointment™ ** : WHY AN I HTE FANIKY DISAPPOINTMENT AGAIN

 

** hit the stage ** : HAHAHAHAHA

 

** youngbae ** : Don't worry, I'll change it!

 

** hit the stage ** : noooo dONT

 

** youngbae ** : Okay, should be better now

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : thanks

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : WHAT THE HELL NO

 

** hit the stage ** : "THE FAMILY OINTMENT" YOUNGJAE OH MY GOD

 

** youngbae ** : IM SO FUNNY

 

** certified Mom ** : IVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD OF YOU

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : BUT WHAT THE EVEN HECK DOES THAT MEEEAAAN

 

**markipoo ** : "what the even heck"

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : maaaark don't bully meee ( ಥ ﹏ ಥ ) ur the oldest, can't you stand up for me?

 

** markipoo ** : No thank u

 

** hit the stage ** : LMAO

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : life is hard when ur just a bottle of ointment :(

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

** youngbae ** : Are we still on for a sleepover tonight?!

 

** certified Mom ** : Every night is a sleepover, though???

 

** certified Mom ** : We??? Live together?????

 

** daddy~ ** : don't ruin his fun

 

** daddy~ ** : (he likes it when we all eat junk food and sleep on the floor together)

 

** daddy~ ** : (he thinks it's fun)

 

** wild n sexy ** : youngjae is so soft and good

 

** youngbae ** : ( ◕‿◕✿ )

 

**certified** **Mom** : To answer your question; Yes

 

** certified Mom ** : We can do the sleepover tonight

 

** youngbae ** : \ (• ◡ •) / YEE!

 

** wild n sexy ** : so pure....

 

** certified Mom ** : Are we just going to set up blankets and cushions on the floor again?

 

** certified Mom ** : Or I have an air mattress, if someone wants to use that this time

 

** wild n sexy ** : i'll sleep on you

 

** certified Mom ** : Thank you

 

** wild n sexy ** : ya ur welc

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : i'll sleep in you

 

** certified Mom ** : Good

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : accept me back into your womb, mother.

 

** hit the stage ** : o ͡͡͡ ╮ ༼  •  ʖ̯  •  ༽ ╭ o ͡͡͡

 

XOXOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stan tumblr: saltygot7  
> stan twitter: taetuans


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bambam wants to stick his dicc in mud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if the format for notes is still being weird then o whale fuck it i TRIED to fix it so A+ for effort amiright ladies

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : aha when will i ever find someone earthly to luv who luvs me back

 

** markipoo ** : Never

 

** wild n sexy ** : wtf does "earthly" mean

 

** wild n sexy ** : do you want a mud person

 

** wild n sexy ** : bcus that's how you get a mud person

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : lol someone physical and not spiritual

 

** wild n sexy ** : so... a person

 

** wild n sexy ** : no deities for this guy

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : im so confused

 

** markipoo ** : Jackson please have mercy

 

** wild n sexy ** : no i don't understand "earthly" and bambam wants to date a mud person

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : nO I DONT i just want someone to luv who luvs me back

 

** wild n sexy ** : i just want a mud person to luv who luvs be back

 

** wild n sexy ** : i can't believe bambam wants to fuck a mud person

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : why are u such an ASS

 

** wild n sexy ** : why do u wanna take a mud dick UP THE ASS

 

** certified Mom ** : Both of you better behave before I remove your muddy asses from the gc.

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

** hit the stage ** : i'm going to get us some more microwaveable foods

 

** hit the stage ** : because i don't want to cook

 

** hit the stage ** : ever

 

** markipoo ** : You never cook anyway

 

** hit the stage ** : so???

 

** hit the stage ** : what should i pick up

 

** certified Mom ** : Frozen vegetables

 

** hit the stage ** : :((( okaaay

 

** youngbae ** : Frozen fruit??

 

** youngbae ** : We can make smoothies!

 

** hit the stage ** : u right!!

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : ointment

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : bring me a brother

 

** hit the stage ** : what the hell no

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : ugly bitch

 

** hit the stage ** : ,,,,,,

 

** hit the stage ** : anyway,,,,,

 

** hit the stage ** : anything else?

 

** youngbae ** : OH I also want hot pockets!!!

 

** hit the stage ** : any, or what kind?

 

** youngbae ** : Pizza pizza pizza pizza

 

** hit the stage ** : okay

 

** hit the stage ** : is that it?

 

** wild n sexy ** : weenie in betweeny

 

** hit the stage ** : ,,

 

** certified Mom ** : Um

 

** hit the stage ** : pardon?

 

** wild n sexy ** : weenie in betweeny

 

** wild n sexy ** : i want weenie in betweeny

 

** daddy~ ** : don't be gross

 

** wild n sexy ** : GIVE ME A WEENIE IN BETWEENY OR GIVE ME DEATH

 

** hit the stage ** : WHAT THE HELL IS A WEENIE IN BETWEENY

 

** markipoo ** : he wants corn dogs

 

** hit the stage ** : ,,,....,,..,,,, o h ???...,,,

 

** certified Mom ** : Why would you call corn dogs

 

** certified Mom ** : You know what. I'm not even surprised at this point

 

** certified Mom ** : I'm desensitized to your bs by now.

 

** hit the stage ** : jackson, do u mean corn dogs?

 

** wild n sexy ** : sí

 

** wild n sexy ** : weenie in betweeny

 

** hit the stage ** : um

 

** hit the stage ** : alright

 

** hit the stage ** : i'll get you corn dogs

 

** wild n sexy ** : thank

 

** markipoo ** : These aren't microwaveable, but also get us salty yellow circles

 

** certified Mom ** : Alright jackass, what the hell is that

 

** markipoo ** : Salty

 

** markipoo ** : yellow

 

** markipoo ** : circles

 

** hit the stage ** : what is that tho

 

** wild n sexy ** : he wants potato chips

 

** hit the stage ** : o k.... i'll get those too, i guess.....

 

** certified Mom ** : I'm so tired of you two.

 

** markipoo ** : Hi "so tired of you two" I'm dad

 

** daddy~ ** : i think the fuck not u trick ass bitch

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : what would happen if i replaced mommy's shampoo with ointment

 

** certified Mom ** : Don't ever call me "mommy" again.

 

** wild n sexy ** : then there'd be ointment in a shampoo bottle??

 

** wild n sexy ** : and probably ointment in jinyoung's hair?

 

** wild n sexy ** : and probably a dead body????

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : wait but ointment can't kill you

 

** certified Mom ** : Yeah

 

** certified Mom ** : but I can kill you

 

** certified Mom ** : and if you put ointment in my shampoo, I won't hesitate bitch.

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : oh ny gosd please dont

 

** certified Mom ** : Then you and you stupid ass ointment better stay the fuck away from me.

 

** wild n sexy ** : HAHAHAAHAHA

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : m sad now :((

 

** certified Mom ** : Sadness builds character

 

** wild n sexy ** : or depression

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : guys i just bought a minion dildo on amazon

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : it's a dildo that looks like a minion!!!

 

** daddy~ ** : i feel like everything that comes out of your mouth is a cry for help

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : i wasn't gonna use the minion dildo.... i just thought it was funny... :'((

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : hello is anyone home?

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : no??

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : no one is going to remove me... since no one is here...??? right????

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : no one is here right right

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : ok cool

 

** The Family Ointment™ ** : then

 

** dabdab ** : dabdab is back fuckers stop changing my fucking name

 

XOXOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> validate me!!!!  
> ALSO is anyone going to kcon?!?!?!?!?!?!??!???? 
> 
> stan tumblr: saltygot7  
> stan twitter: taetuans


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jackson wants to get dicked down by barry bee benson?? probably

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen i know it's been a month,,,,, im s o r r y! ive been super busy with this whole "back to school" shit, so i havent had time to sit down and update..,.,.,.,,,,,,,, im sORRY AAAHAHAHAHAHHHH OKAY HERES UR CHAPTER U LITTLE RATS <3

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** he Rises. ** ] _

 

** markipoo ** : I have a genuine question

 

** youngbae ** : Ya?

 

** markipoo ** : Why is the gc still called "he Rises."?

 

** youngbae ** : .....

 

** youngbae ** : That's a good question

 

** markipoo ** : I want to change it

 

** daddy~ ** : go ahead

 

** dabdab ** : NOOOO PLS DOOONT

 

** dabdab ** : ITS SO FUNNYYY

 

** daddy~ ** : no, it really isn't

 

** dabdab ** : YES IT IS I THINK IT IS THEREFOR IT IS

 

** daddy~ ** : ..,,,,,... no?

 

** dabdab ** : WAAAAA IM CRYIGN NOWWWWOOWOWWW

 

** daddy~ ** : no you're not your probably eating a poptart and copying homework

 

** dabdab ** : NUH UH

 

** dabdab ** : I AOULD NEVER

 

** markipoo ** : "AOULD"

 

** daddy~ ** : so you're telling me

 

** daddy~ ** : if i were to find you right now

 

** daddy~ ** : there would be no poptart in your hand, no crumbs on your mouth

 

** daddy~ ** : and you would definitely not be copying someone else's homework?

 

** dabdab ** : OF COURSE NOT

 

** certified Mom ** : He's lying.

 

** dabdab ** : WHAT THE FUCK HOWD YOU KNOW

 

** dabdab ** : who did it who's the fuckign snitch

 

** certified Mom ** : Yugyeom just sent me a snapchat of you eating a poptart and copying his homework.

 

** dabdab ** : fuckin snake ass bitch.

 

** hit the stage ** : i told u ur gonna regret not sharing ur poptart with me u stupid whore

 

** markipoo ** : .... I still don't know what to rename the gc

 

** wild n sexy ** : FUCKIGN BELP

 

** wild n sexy ** : AND MARK DONT U DARE QUOTE BACK "BELP" AT ME U KNOW WHAT I MEANT

 

** markipoo ** : I wasn't going to!

 

** wild n sexy ** : GOOD

 

_ [ ** markipoo ** renamed chatroom:  ** BELP ** ] _

 

** wild n sexy ** : U ASSHOLE

 

** markipoo ** : Lol

 

** wild n sexy ** : SPEAKING OF ASSHOLE

 

** wild n sexy ** : I WAS STUNG IN THE ASSHOLE

 

** wild n sexy ** : BY A BEE

 

** wild n sexy ** : HOW DO I GET IT OUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

 

** daddy~ ** : you've always said you wanted it up the ass idk why you're so upset over this

 

** wild n sexy ** : FUCK OFF NOT BY BARRY BEE BENSON I DIDNT ASK HIM TO FUCK ME UP THE ASS WITH HIS STINGER

 

_ [ ** markipoo ** renamed chatroom:  ** jackson wants barry bee benson up the ass #confirmed ** ] _

 

** wild n sexy ** : STOP FUCKIOFF NO I DONT

 

** certified Mom ** : Wait, where exactly in the ass were you stung?

 

** wild n sexy ** : I DONT KNOW IM PANICKING NOW I LEGITIMATELY THINK IT WAS IN MY ASSHOLE

 

** daddy~ ** : you know, i really don't think you were stung in the asshole.

 

** certified Mom ** : Did you spread your butt cheeks or something? How could a bee sting you in the asshole?

 

** wild n sexy ** : I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW IM CRYING IM CRYING

 

** wild n sexy ** : SOMEONE HELP HOW DO I GET IT OUT IT HURTS SO BAD WHAT DO I DO SOMEONE HELP

 

** certified Mom ** : I cannot believe

 

** markipoo ** : Bee-lieve

 

** certified Mom ** : Where are you right now?

 

** markipoo ** : He's probably crying in the bathroom

 

** wild n sexy ** : CRYING IN THE BATHROOM

 

**markipoo** : Called it.

 

** certified Mom ** : Which bathroom?

 

** wild n sexy ** : THE BIG ONE WITH ALL THE PENIS DRAWINGS

 

** certified Mom ** : I'm on my way

 

** daddy~ ** : have fun

 

** certified Mom ** : I won't, but thanks

 

** wild n sexy ** : HURRY I THINK IM DYING

 

** markipoo ** : Don't die

 

** wild n sexy ** : for you, i will live another day.

 

** dabdab ** : fuckin ew

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** jackson wants barry bee benson up the ass #confirmed ** ] _

 

** hit the stage ** : heya jackson how's ur asshole

 

** wild n sexy ** : crunchy

 

** dabdab ** : cronch cronch

 

** daddy~ ** : stop

 

** wild n sexy ** : :(

 

**dabdab** : >:(((((

 

** wild n sexy ** : my ass is doing gr8 now, thanks

 

** wild n sexy ** : jinyoungie helped me!!!!! with a lil pluck pluck pluck

 

** wild n sexy ** : it was gone!!

 

** hit the stage ** : did u bend over for him

 

** hit the stage ** : wait ur bare ass

 

** hit he stage ** : did u hAVE TO BEND OVER AND PULL DOWN UR PANTS FOR HIM HAHAHAHA

 

** dabdab ** : WA AHT HAHAHAHA

 

** hit the stage ** : DID U PRESENT UR ASS CHEEKS TO HIM

 

**dabdab** : I CAN DEADASS SEE JACKSON PRESENTING HIS ASS AND SAYING "AN OFFERING, FOR THE HIGH PRIEST"

 

** hit the stage ** : AND HE HAD TO GENTLY PLACE HIS HANDS ON UR ASS AND USE HIS THUMBS TO SQUEEEEEZE OUT THE STINGER

 

** hit the stage ** : JINYOUNG DID HE HAVE A NICE ASS

 

** wild n sexy ** : FUCK OUTTA HERE I WAS TRAUMATIZED BY BARRY BEE BENSON AND UR MAKING A JOKE OUT OF IT

 

** certified Mom ** : It was very nice

 

** certified Mom ** : A clean set of cheeks

 

** certified Mom ** : Very pert

 

** certified Mom ** : Not as nice as my own butt, but still nice

 

** markipoo ** : "butt, but" Lol

 

** dabdab ** : lol he said butt but

 

** hit the stage ** : buttx2

 

** certified Mom ** : I just rolled my eyes

 

** markipoo ** : Wait speaking off butts and assholes

 

** dabdab ** : ?

 

** markipoo ** : I just clenched my ass and my entire spine cracked

 

** markipoo ** : It felt so good

 

** dabdab ** : !!!!!!

 

** hit the stage ** : HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

** wild n sexy ** : that's my kink

 

** markipoo ** : Cool

 

** certified Mom ** : Okay, I have to kink shame that.

 

** wild n sexy ** : YOU FOOL!

 

** wild n sexy ** : KINK SHAMING IS MY OTHER KINK

 

** hit the stage ** : OH NO HES TOO POWERFUL

 

** wild n sexy ** : THANKS TO YOU, IVE SUCCESSFULLY NUTTED

 

** dabdab ** : JINYOUNGIE NOOOO

 

** hit the stage ** : WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

 

** wild n sexy ** : MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

** certified Mom ** : I'm so fucking tired of you guys

 

XOXOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual, pls validate me!! i really do look forward to reading your comments, and every kudo makes me #nut. (can u beelieve we're so close to 300 kudos??? L I T!)  
> stan tumblr: saltygot7  
> stan twitter: taetuans


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2youngjae is real (or is it 2young2jae? jinyoungjaebum??? what the fuck is even their ship name????? help)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this chapter is late a g a i n, but ya girl been BUSY!!! Mommy I Sowwy ;(((  
> pls enjoy !!

XOXOXO

 

_ [ ** hit the stage **  -->>  ** dabdab ** ] _

 

** hit the stage ** : i wanna fuck you with a razor scooter

 

** dabdab ** : slice dis pussy in half with the razor scooter

 

** hit the stage ** : i hate that that's ur reply

 

** dabdab ** : fuck off be nice to me

 

** hit the stage ** : eat my smelly ass

 

** dabdab ** : i'll eat the fuck outta ur ass

 

** dabdab ** : i will DEVOUR it

 

** dabdab ** : CHOMP CHOMP BITCH

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** jackson wants barry bee benson up the ass #confirmed ** ] _

 

** youngbae ** : Guys help

 

** daddy~ ** : what's wrong?

 

** youngbae ** : Today is a bad day

 

** certified Mom ** : Why? Is there anything we can do to help?

 

** youngbae ** : I'm sad

 

** daddy~ ** : aaaaaa, why are you sad?

 

** youngbae ** : I don't know I'm just really sad

 

** certified Mom ** : Jaebum and I can take you out for dinner tonight or something. What will cheer you up?

 

** daddy~ ** : do you want to talk?

 

** certified Mom ** : Is anyone being rude or mean or...?? Are you just sad and you don't know why?

 

** daddy~ ** : if it feels like we're pestering you, let us know. we just worry about you, you know?

 

** youngbae ** : Oh nO!! Now I feel bAD!!!!

 

** certified Mom ** : Why why why!

 

** daddy~ ** : don't feel bad!

 

** youngbae ** : NO I FEEL BAD

 

** youngbae ** : JACKSON TOLD ME TO PRETEND TO BE SAD BCUS HE WANTED TO PROVE A POINT

 

** youngbae ** : IM SORRY IM SORRY IFEEL BA D IT WON THAPPENN AGAINBNN I WONT LIE I WONT DO IT AGA IN

 

** certified Mom ** : Don't feel bad, we're not mad!

 

** daddy~ ** : not at you, at least. jackson, however, is fucking dead later

 

** youngbae ** : 8'C

 

** certified Mom ** : No, stop! It's okay

 

** daddy~ ** : anyway, what point was jackson trying to prove?

 

** wild n sexy ** : WHATS UP SLUTS GUESS WHOS BACK FROM PRISON

 

**certified Mom** : You,,... were never,,,.... in prison?? ;;;

 

** wild n sexy ** : I WANTED TO PROVE

 

** wild n sexy ** : THAT YOUNGJAE

 

** wild n sexy ** : IS UR FAVORITE

 

** youngbae ** : And I said I wasn't, and you love us all equally!!!

 

** wild n sexy ** : BUT THIS LITERALLY JUSTNFUCKIN PROVED HES UR FAV

 

** dabdab ** : ya once i called them practically crying and asking them for advice and jinyoung laughed at me and hung up

 

** certified Mom ** : OKAY, YES,!but then I IMMEDIATELY called you back to help!

 

** dabdab ** : YEAH BUT U LAUGHED AT ME AND HUNG UP FIRST EVEN THO I GENUINELY NEEDED HELP

 

** hit the stage ** : last year when i sprained my arm, i had to go to the hospital, and when the doctors asked how exactly it happened jinyoung told them it didn't matter because it's what i deserved, and that he wanted them to "put me down, like when they have to kill dogs in the shelters."

 

** certified Mom ** : Making a comparison to dogs being put down was a poor choice, I admit. But you do deserve death

 

** hit the stage ** : WHAT THE FUCK

 

** daddy~ ** : jinyoung is an awful mother, is what i'm hearing. so far i haven't been at fault, because, SHOCKER im the best dad

 

** wild n sexy ** : nope, it's time for you to be exposed too

 

** wild n sexy ** : literally just last week, jaebum walked in on me having a break down bcus of homework, and he called me a "big fuckin drama queen" then snapchatted it to jinyoung.

 

** daddy~ ** : i don't remember that

 

** certified Mom ** : Liar

 

** daddy~ ** : lol

 

** wild n sexy ** : AND THEN

 

** wild n sexy ** : THE DAY AFTER

 

** wild n sexy ** : jinyoung came up to me

 

** wild n sexy ** : WITH SCREENSHOTS OF THE SNAPS JAEBUM SENT HIM

 

** certified Mom ** : They were so funny, I had to screenshot them

 

** wild n sexy ** : bitch ass

 

** dabdab ** : youngjae is ur favorite just ADMIT IT

 

** hit the stage ** : hONESTLY we all KNOW it's youngjae jUST A D M I T

 

** daddy~ ** : ya it's youngjae

 

** daddy~ ** : tbh tho, you all already knew you knew the truth y were u digging???

 

** dabdab ** : i don't like that they're readily admitting this, it's kinda...

 

** hit the stage ** : rude?

 

** dabdab ** : anticlimactic!

 

** dabdab ** : but ya, also rude

 

** certified Mom ** : You already knew. You knew the truth

 

** daddy~ ** : i don't understand why it's that big a deal

 

** youngbae ** : IM YOUR FAVORITE?!?!

 

** hit the stage ** : YES that has been ESTABLISHED BY NOW! YOURE THEIR FAVORITE

 

** dabdab ** : but why can't they be nice to us too??

 

** certified Mom ** : You. Know. Why.

 

** daddy~ ** : evil

 

** dabdab ** : ( ಥ ﹏ ಥ )  ლ ( ಠ 益 ಠ ლ )

 

** wild n sexy ** : youngjae! how do you feel now, knowing this?

 

** youngbae ** : Honestly.... Sad on your behalf, but happy I'm the favorite ( ◕‿◕✿ )

 

** markipoo ** : Lol

 

** wild n sexy ** : oh hey, mark

 

XOXOXO

 

_ [chatroom:  ** jackson wants barry bee benson up the ass #confirmed ** ] _

 

** wild n sexy ** : OH I JUST REMEMBERED ANOTHER REASON WHY JAEBUM HATES US ALL EXCEPT YOUNGJAE

 

** youngbae ** : HE DOESNT HATE YOU

 

** wild n sexy ** : get ready for this one

 

** hit the stage ** : i'm not ready

 

** dabdab ** : me neither

 

** wild n sexy ** : the other day

 

** wild n sexy ** : jaebum

 

** wild n sexy ** : jaebum told me

 

** wild n sexy ** : to sTOP HOLDING HIS HAND when we cross the street

 

** daddy~ ** : it's not that big of a deal, you're a grown ass man, you don't need to hold my hand when you cross the street

 

** wild n sexy ** : DO YOU WANT ME TO GET HIT BY A CAR?!?!?

 

** youngbae ** : Why is our family broken

 

XOXOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates have been getting more and more irregular, and im so sorry, but Life has been getting in the way rip in piece me :( thank you all for the support and being so understanding aaah i owe u my Life
> 
> stan tumblr: saltygot7  
> stan twitter: taetuans


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> possibly the most obnoxious chapter yet

XOXOXO

 

_[chatroom:_ **_jackson wants barry bee benson up the ass #confirmed_ ** _]_

**youngbae** : Do you guys know any good vegan places around here?

 

**certified Mom** : No, why?

 

**youngbae** : Jackson keeps texting me "i want dat phatt eggplant" and then a bunch of emojis

 

**certified Mom** : Oh no. What emojis?

 

**youngbae** : praying hands, tongue emoji, eggplants???

 

**daddy~** : block his number.

 

XOXOXO

 

_[chatroom:_ **_jackson wants barry bee benson up the ass #confirmed_ ** _]_

**dabdab** : i know its 2am but guys

 

**dabdab** : i want to get drunk

 

**markipoo** : Don't do it

 

**youngbae** : Love yourself more than that

 

**dabdab** : too late motherfuckers

 

**dabdab** : im going to drink three bottles of vodka and meet god in a target on the astral plane

 

**youngbae** : Maybe don't do that??

 

**dabdab** : slurp slurp

 

**youngbae** : No

 

**dabdab** : sluuurp

 

**youngbae** : Nooo

 

**dabdab** : you know what that sound is?

 

**youngbae** : Noooooo?

 

**dabdab** : that's me slurping that PHAT alcohol !!!

 

**youngbae** : No!!!! Don't do that!!!

 

**markipoo** : Why are you the dumbest

 

**dabdab** : sorry i can't hear u over the sound of my SL U R PPIN G

 

**youngbae** : I'm going to bed, you're evil and scary

 

XOXOXO

 

_[chatroom:_ **_jackson wants barry bee benson up the ass #confirmed_ ** _]_

**daddy~** : hey dumbass how's your hangover

 

**dabdab** : shut up

 

**youngbae** : We told you not to do the thing

 

**youngbae** : And what did you do?

 

**dabdab** : i did the thing.

 

**youngbae** : You did the thing.

 

**dabdab** : listen,,,,, i know,,,,,,,, maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to do

 

**daddy~** : what do you mean "maybe" you got fucking wasted at 2am

 

**youngbae** : Even though you KNEW you had class tomorrow

 

**dabdab** : but in the moment it felt so right

 

**certified Mom** : Go play in traffic

 

**dabdab** : omG CAN I REALLY?!?

 

**youngbae** : NO DONT DO THAT

 

**dabdab** : tOO LATE IM GONNA DO IT

 

**certified** **Mom** : DO NOT. IT WAS A JOKE.

 

**daddy~** : STOP. do NOT actually play in traffic, you idiot

 

**markipoo** : Is Bam finally dead

 

**certified Mom** : He better not be dead, I still need him.

 

**youngbae** : !! THATS ACTUALLY REALLY SWEET

 

**markipoo** : Wait for it...

 

**certified Mom** : He still owes me money from eighteen different occasions where he "forgot" his wallet.

 

**markipoo** : See?

 

**youngbae** : I should've known better

 

**markipoo** : Yup

 

**certified Mom** : Ha ha ha.

 

**youngbae** : Even the way he text-laughs sounds menacing....

 

**daddy~** : of course it does, it's Jinyoung

 

**youngbae** : I know, but still......

 

**certified Mom** : what if i txtd lik dis LOLOL XD ~rawr~

 

**daddy~** : STOP

 

**youngbae** : EWW GROSS DONT

 

**markipoo** : You sound like Jackson

 

**certified Mom** : whA T?!?????111?? i dO N oO tT

 

**youngbae** : OMG HE DOES HAHAHAHAHA

 

**certified Mom** : markipoo~~~~ GIV ME LUV AND ATTENTION~~~~~ :(((

 

**certified Mom** : i am hte ~WILD N SEXY~ jackson~!!!!!!! i have THICC THIGHS THAT SAVE LIVES

 

**daddy~** : i'm so uncomfortable

 

**youngbae** : HAHAHAHA

 

**markipoo** : Lol

 

**daddy~** : i'm gagging

 

**certified Mom** : gagging oN WHAT?

 

**certified Mom** : DIS PHATT DICC?!?

 

**youngbae** : EEEWWW OMGOMGO HAHAHAHA

 

**daddy~** : no. stop.

 

**certified Mom** : See how weird it was for you guys if I texted differently?

 

**markipoo** : I thought it was funny

 

**youngbae** : Me too but it made me a lil uncomfy

 

**daddy~** : it made me want a divorce.

 

**youngbae** : NO DONT BREAK THIS FAMILY APART

 

**daddy~** : i won't, i said "made". as in, past tense. i would never divorce jinyoung

 

**certified Mom** : Goals

 

**markipoo** : Cuuute

 

**dabdab** : guys don't panic but

 

**dabdab** : i was hit by a car

 

**markipoo** : Wait, what?

 

**markipoo** : What the fuck oh my goodness are you okay??

 

**certified Mom** : Where are you right now? Who hit you? Are you hurt?

 

**daddy~** : i'm actually shaking right now oh my god are you okay

 

**dabdab** : im okay i'm okAY LOLOL

 

**dabdab** : ya i'm perfectly fine, i just scuffed my shoes when i was hit and now i'm sad :((

 

**daddy~** : what happened? who hit you?

 

**certified Mom** : That's IT? You're just sad because you SCUFFED YOUR SHOES?

 

**dabdab** : THEY WERE EXPENSIVE OKAY?!?!

 

**youngbae** : I'm actually going to cry oh no oh no are you actually okay, or are you just pretending to be okay so jjparents don't freak out??? Explain please !!!

 

**dabdab** : okay well SOMEONE told me to play in traffic SO I DID

 

**certified Mom** : WE TOLD YOU NOT TO.

 

**dabdab** : don't interrupt me!!

 

**dabdab** : ANYWAY check my snapchat story it's rlly funny i just lay down in the student lot and sang some emo songs and screamed a little when cars got too close lol it's a rlly funny i snapped it all go check it out

 

**daddy~** : you're the worst.

 

**dabdab** : ANYWAY so y'all know jae right??

 

**markipoo** : Friends with Brian?

 

**dabdab** : ya

 

**daddy~** : yes, continue??

 

**dabdab** : so jae pulled up and was like "can i actually hit you"

 

**dabdab** : and i said "lol go for it"

 

**dabdab** : so i stood up for him and he not-so-lightly tapped me with his car

 

**dabdab** : and i didn't think he actually would

 

**markipoo** : Jesus Christ.

 

**dabdab** : so i got SHOOK and fell over

 

**dabdab** : and i guess?? i scuffed my shoes???? on the way down?? :((

 

**certified** **Mom** : You asked for it.

 

**daddy~** : LITERALLY asked for it. i just watched your snapchat story

 

**youngbae** : Me too

 

**youngbae** : "HIT ME!! HIT ME I FUCKIN DARE YOU!!! DO IT YOU COWARD!!!"

 

**dabdab** : HAHAHAHA IT WAS SO FUNNY

 

**certified Mom** : Yeah, except you scuffed your expensive shoes and freaked out your best friends

 

**markipoo** : Was it worth it?

 

**dabdab** : lol yeah i'm a #wildgirl

 

**daddy~** : you're such a moron

 

**dabdab** : maybe but at least i'm a FUNNY MORON (>uO)/**

 

**markipoo** : You made us think you were hit by a car.

 

**dabdab** : i was!!

 

**youngbae** : YOU WERE LIGHTLY TAPPED BY JAE'S CAR!!

 

**dabdab** : same thing tho, right??

 

**youngbae** : NO. NOT AT ALL, ACTUALLY!!!

 

**dabdab** : lol #wild

 

**hit the stage** : wait hold on

 

**dabdab** : ya?

 

**hit the stage** : you let someone hit you with a car

 

**dabdab** : ya

 

**hit the stage** : and it wASNT ME?

 

**dabdab** : yaaa

 

**hit the stage** : IVE WANTED TO HIT YOU WITH A CAR SINCE THE DAY WE MET.

 

**dabdab** : okay well that's rood

 

**hit the stage** : you're such a FUCKING SNAKE i cannot BELIEVE i still put up with this shit

 

**dabdab** : HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL? i was just HIT by a CAR

 

**youngbae** : LIGHTLY. TAPPED.

 

**dabdab** : and NOW i'm finding out that my bEST FRIEND HAS WANTED TO HIT ME WITH A CAR EVER SINCE WE MET

 

**hit the stage** : LITERALLY EVERYONE WHO EVER MEETS YOU WANTS TO HIT YOU WITH A CAR, WHY IS IT SUCH A SURPRISE THAT I WANT TO RUN YOU OVER, TOO?? ARE YOU S T U P I D???

 

**dabdab** : WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET

 

**hit the stage** : i cannot BELIEVE i hAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT

 

**daddy~** : "this shit" being,,, bambam didn't let you hit him with a car?

 

**hit the stage** : yeah, JUNGKOOK would have let me hit him with a car

 

**hit the stage** : because JUNGKOOK is a REAL friend.

 

**dabdab** : ASHEJAMDS

 

**dabdab** : STOP!!

 

**dabdab** : stop trying to replace me with jungkook.

 

**dabdab** : you can only hAVE ONE BEST FRIEND AND THATS ME!

 

**hit the stage** : a REAL best friend would aSK THEIR BESTIE TO HIT THEM WITH A CAR

 

**hit the stage** : but YOU

 

**hit the stage** : YOU FUCKIN SNAKE

 

**hit the stage** : you had JAE hit you with a car

 

**hit the stage** : what does JAE have that I DONT?

 

**dabdab** : a CAR you dumb WHORE!

 

**dabdab** : he has a CAR which i NEEDED to get HIT WITH

 

**dabdab** : and YOU WERENT THERE FOR ME!

 

**dabdab** : I NEEDED YOU AND YOU WERENT THERE

 

**dabdab** : but guess what? JAE WAS THERE!!!

 

**hit the stage** : if you hAD TOLD ME YOU NEEDED ME TO HIT YOU WITH A CAR

 

**hit the stage** : I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE

 

**dabdab** : I DIDNT THINK TO ASK YOU

 

**hit the stage** : OF COURSE YOU DIDNT! YOU NEVER THINK OF ME

 

**hit the stage** : unlike JUNGKOOK who ALWAYS thinks of me.

 

**dabdab** : STOP! TRYING! TO! REPLACE! ME!

 

**hit the stage** : i'm sorry I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF JUNGKOOK, MY *REAL* BEST FRIEND, LETTING ME HIT HIM WITH A CAR

 

**dabdab** : yeah RITE

 

**dabdab** : JUNGKOOK WOULDNT LET U HIT HIM WITH A CAR

 

**dabdab** : WHY WOULD HE WILLINGLY DO THAT

 

**daddy~** : why did YOU willingly do that?

 

**dabdab** : MOM TOLD ME TO!!!

 

**certified Mom** : Ha ha.

 

**hit the stage** : oh R E A L L Y???

 

**hit the stage** : ILL ASK JUNGKOOK RIGHT NOW

 

_[_ **_hit the stage_ ** _added_ **_jungkookie_ ** _to the group]_

 

**markipoo** : Holy shit

**hit the stage** : hey, what's up, BEST FRIEND?

 

**jungkookie** : ??

 

**jungkookie** : hey, yugyeomie

 

**jungkookie** : so... why am i here??

 

**hit the stage** : since we're BEST FRIENDS, you'd let me hit you with a car, right?

 

**jungkookie** : yeah???? why?

 

**hit the stage** : no reason <3 i love you, BEST FRIEND <3

 

**jungkookie** : ily2 (*´♡´*)

 

**hit the stage** : omg aw that's so cuuute <3

 

_[_ **_hit the stage_ ** _has removed_ **_jungkookie_ ** _from the group]_

 

**dabdab** : what.

 

**dabdab** : the.

 

**dabdab** : FUCK?!?

 

**dabdab** : WHEN I SENT YOU THAT (*´♡´*) EMOJI YOU SAID IT WAS AN UGLY BITCH LIKE ME

 

**certified Mom** : I don't think those were his exact words...

 

**markipoo** : Can we talk about how Jungkook readily agreed to be hit by a car tho...?

 

**youngbae** : Wait yeah that was actually kind of cute

 

**dabdab** : NO! NOT NOW

 

**hit the stage** : SEE? i TOLD you he would say yes!!

 

**hit the stage** : i TOLD you hE WAS A REAL BEST FRIEND!

 

**hit the stage** : KOOKIE treats me right!

 

**dabdab** : i literally can't get over the fact you REJECTED my (*´♡´*) but full on BUSTED A NUT when JUNGKOOK sent it

 

**hit the stage** : HES MY BEST FRIEND!!

 

**dabdab** : what the FUCJ can you FUCKING STOP

 

**dabdab** : IM your best friend!!!!!!!!

 

**wild n sexy** : i'll be ur best friend, bammie!!!!~~~~ (*´♡´*)

 

**hit the stage** : YOURE A FAKE ASS FRIEND

 

**dabdab** : AND YOU HAVE A FAKE ASS

 

**hit the stage** : whAT? THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE

 

**wild n sexy** : helloooo??? i am HERE and READY to be your best friend! (*´♡´*)

 

**dabdab** : YOU don't make sense!!!

 

**hit the stage** : FUCK YOU

 

**dabdab** : WELL FUCK YOU TOO!

 

**certified Mom** : I can't believe I have to step in and intervene AGAIN.

 

_[_ **_certified Mom_ ** _has removed_ **_dabdab_ ** _from the group]_

_[_ **_certified Mom_ ** _has removed_ **_hit the stage_ ** _from the group]_

 

**certified Mom** : Congratulations, morons. You're both on time out.

 

**wild n sexy** : .....

 

**wild n sexy** : i can't believe i was fucking ignored

 

XOXOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW look at that! an update ON TIME!!!
> 
> cool now validate me
> 
> stan tumblr: saltygot7  
> stan twitter: taetuans


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sniff sniff bitch can u smell the lövé in the air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol u thot i died didn't u

* * *

_[chatroom: **jackson wants barry bee benson up the ass #confirmed** ]_

_[ **youngbae** renamed chatroom: **yugbam is over #unconfirmed** ]_

**youngbae** : Does anyone know if they’ve made up yet?

**certified Mom** : It’s been about four days, and they're both stubborn, so probably not yet.

**markipoo** : Really? It feels like it’s been four months

**daddy~** : that’s just bcus it’s been very quiet without them

**markipoo** : That’s true, they make up about 70% of the spam and shit posts in this gc

**certified Mom** : Yeah

**certified Mom** : Don’t worry though, I’m sure they’ll be fine. They always do this.

**daddy~** : jinyoung is right, they’ll get over it soon and then they’ll go back to normal

**daddy~** : well

**daddy~** : as normal as yugyeom and bambam can get

**markipoo** : Lol

**wild n sexy** : hewwo frendos

**markipoo** : E w

**wild n sexy** : x3c

**daddy~** : no stop that

**wild n sexy** : i wouldn’t worry much about yugyeom and bambam their love is too strong

**certified Mom** : They told me once that after college they’re going to get married at a Taco Bell in Las Vegas

**markipoo** : Wow

**daddy~** : whoever says romance is dead is a dirty fucking liar

XOXOXO

_[chatroom: **yugbam is over #unconfirmed** ]_

**wild n sexy** : what’s up my guys

**wild n sexy** : my pals

**wild n sexy** : helloooo

**wild n sexy** : is me

**wild n sexy** : ur friend

**wild n sexy** : or lover, if ur mark ;))

**markipoo** : No

**wild n sexy** : where is everyone :(

**markipoo** : Living their lives

**wild n sexy** : without me?????

**markipoo** : Ya

**wild n sexy** : unacceptable

**wild n sexy** : friends, unveil yourself from the jungle of my pubes

_[ **markipoo**  has removed  **wild n sexy**  from the group]_

**markipoo** : You guys can come out of hiding now

**daddy~** : i didn’t raise him to be like this

**certified Mom** : You didn’t raise him PERIOD.

**youngbae** : Mom please be nice to Dad

**daddy~** : yeah jinyoung be nice to me

**certified Mom** : I can’t believe I’m saying this

**certified Mom** : but Bam is my favorite

**daddy~** : HOW

**certified Mom** : Jackson and Yugyeom are both disasters,

**youngbae** : AND BAMBAM ISNT?

**certified Mom** : Jaebum is a deadbeat dad,

**daddy~** : NO IM NOT

**certified Mom** : Youngjae is being too soft,

**youngbae** : IM ALWAYS SOFT ITS MY BRAND

**daddy~** : HES ALWAYS SOFT ITS HIS BRAND

**certified Mom** : Bam is the least problematic right now, therefor my favorite

**markipoo** : ??? He literally let Jae hit him with a car,

**markipoo** : And you literally skipped over me??

**certified Mom** : Oh

**certified Mom** : You’re right, sorry, Mark is my favorite

**youngbae** : ( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ _ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ )

**daddy~** : water is wet.

**daddy~** : the sky is blue.

**daddy~** : mark is your favorite.

**daddy~** : things we all know

**youngbae** : At first I thought you were writing a poem

**certified Mom** : No, he was just bitching.

**markipoo** : Holy fuck mom

XOXOXO

_[chatroom: **yugbam is over #unconfirmed** ]_

**youngbae** : Bam just called me for advice

**certified Mom** : Really?

**certified Mom** : Huh

**youngbae** : ... What?

**certified Mom** : Nothing, continue.

**markipoo** : (Jinyoung is upset bcus Bam called you for advice and not him)

**markipoo** : (He takes his role as the mother very seriously)

**youngbae** : !!!

**youngbae** : Really!!?

**certified Mom** : Maybe a little

**youngbae** : That's so cute <3

**certified Mom** : A n y w a y, continue. What'd Bam say?

**youngbae** : I have a feeling he called me and not anyone else because he knows I won't bully him

**youngbae** : Or at least, I won't bully him as much

**youngbae** : Oh! And he just asked for advice about his argument with Yugyeom

**markipoo** : So theyre genuinely upset with each other?

**certified Mom** : I don't think it's as big of a deal as they're making it, but I'm sure some feelings were hurt

**youngbae** : Yee

**youngbae** : Bam admitted that recently he hasn't really been That Good A Fren™️ to Yug

**markipoo** : Did he say why tho

**youngbae** : ,,, He did, and here's the tea

**certified Mom** : I'm ready

**youngbae** : OkAY sO it's probably not that big of a deal, but Bam feels like Yug has been ditching him in favor of Jungkook

**markipoo** : Wild

**youngbae** : so Bam has been being,,, petty,,,,, and he's been like

**youngbae** : Kind of excluding Yugyeom?? Not really excluding him but like

**certified Mom** : Just not giving him his full attention, taking initiative to make plans/hang out, etc??

**youngbae** : Yee

**certified Mom** : That's what I figured

**youngbae** : So basically, Yugyeom has been accidentally ignoring BamBam, and BamBam is a petty bitch

**youngbae** : And so Bam asking Jae to hit him with a car is kind of just an excuse?? for them to fight?? Because they're stupid children that don't know how to communicate properly like grown ass men

**markipoo** : Roasted omfg

**certified Mom** : So what was your advice?

**youngbae** : To apologize. and COMMUNICATE!!! LIKE!! GROWN!! ASS!!! MEN!!!!!

**markipoo** : PFFT

**certified Mom** : I just snorted

**youngbae** : (◕‿◕✿)

XOXOXO

_[ **dabdab** \-- >> **hit the stage** ]_

**dabdab** : hey

**hit the stage** : hey

**dabdab** : are u free rn??

**dabdab** : i wanna call u

**hit the stage** : i can't talk rn, i'm busy

**dabdab** : oh.

**hit the stage** : can u just text whatever u have to say?

**dabdab** : okay

**dabdab** : im sorry i didn’t ask you to hit me with a car. i was being inconsiderate :( but i promise i had no intention of hurting u

**hit the stage** : i’ve already forgiven u i lov u too much

**dabdab** : i lövé u too but wait wait i'm not done yet

**hit the stage** : aaa sorry continue

**dabdab** : thank

**dabdab** : i'm sorry that for the last few weeks i've been less-than-great

**dabdab** : i know i haven't been as good a friend to you recently. it's just

**dabdab** : (and this isn't an excuse *at all* i completely own up to this and it's also super stupid of me in the first place to feel this way but)

**dabdab** : lately i feel like you've been ditching me in favor of jungkook??

**dabdab** : like you two have gotten rlly close and i felt like i wasn't your best friend anymore, and u were slowly distancing urself from me bcus u liked jungkook better and i'm so sorry i know you and i trust you and i know you would never knowingly hurt me and i love you more than anything in this world more than memes or doritos or mountain dew

**dabdab** : i let my insecurities get in the way and that's absolutely no excuse i'm so sorry

**hit the stage** : bammie bammie bammie calm down it's okay it's okay i'm not mad at you i completely understand

**hit the stage** : i’m sorry i said you weren’t a good best friend and brought in jungkook. i knew it was going to piss u off, and that was super immature and ugly of me

**dabdab** : and okay i'm completely aware i'm rambling right now but in all honestly the biggest reason why i've been distant and kinda bitchy isn't just bcus i'm afraid of jungkook replacing me. it's bcus i'm afraid u guys started dating in secret or some shit or that you've fallen in love with him and the truth is i'm just totally in love with you and of course i'm not trying to say i own u or anything, like of course you're allowed to go out and date others, of course i'll support u and be a good friend but i just wasn't thinking properly (like always) and i'm just so fucking in love with you and instead of talking to u about this i acted like a lil baby bitch boy and i just wanted to apologize for all that and i won't ever ignore u or exclude u or anything ever again

**hit the stage** : stooop i said it was okay!! i'm not mad at you and

**hit the stage** : wait what

**dabdab** : what?

**hit the stage** : you're in love with me?

**dabdab** : what?

**dabdab** : where did i say that

**hit the stage** : bitch use ur eyes go back and read what u sent

**hit the stage** : ?? did u see it

**dabdab** : hmmmm

**dabdab** : inter esting

**hit the stage** : ???

**hit the stage** : bambam??

**hit the stage** : bam.

**hit the stage** : bambam please don't ignore me

**dabdab** : ok oh my god i'm so dumb i'm so sorry i spoke without thinking again

**dabdab** : i didn't mean to i'm sorry

**dabdab** : i don't want things to be awkward between us, you're my best friend, please pretend i never said anything

**hit the stage** : no wait

**dabdab** : anyway, i'm sorry for acting like a lil bitch, next time if i feel like there's a problem, i'll actually ~communicate~ with you

**hit the stage** : wait stop

**dabdab** : anyway ik ur busy u said u can't talk so i'll just let u go back to whatever ur doing rn

**hit the stage** : cAN U STOP SPAMMING FOR TWO WHOLE SECONDS???

**dabdab** : ;;;;

**hit the stage** : i don't want to pretend you never said anything

**dabdab** : jesus

**dabdab** : gyeomie, if you care about me at all, you'll leave this alone and let us stay best friends. nothing needs to change, i won't act out on my,,, feelings for you, or anything. we can just go back to being best friends

**hit the stage** : no,

**dabdab** : yugyeom. please.

**hit the stage** : because i'm in love with you too, dumbass!!!

**dabdab** : holy

**dabdab** : what???????

**dabdab** : p l o t t wi st ??¿

**hit the stage** : oh my god. yes, sure, fine, p l o t t wi st

**hit the stage** : the reason i've been hanging out with kook so much is bcus he knows i'm in love with u and he was helping me to make u jealous!!

**hit the stage** : the plan was to make you jealous to test the waters and see if you felt anything for me. best case scenario: u do, u confess, and i end up with you

**hit the stage** : and i guess the jealousy part worked but i forgot ur a petty lil bitch

**dabdab** : okay dude we were having a lil Moment and u ruined it by calling me a petty lil bitch

**hit the stage** : oh shut up

**dabdab** : ,,, soooo

**dabdab** : you love me, huh??

**hit the stage** : madly

**dabdab** : hmm

**dabdab** : hmmmmmm . . .

**hit the stage** : stop acting so nonchalant about this u confessed first

**dabdab** : yEAH ON ACCIDENT?!?!

**hit the stage** : a confession is still a confession, babe

**dabdab** : ;;;;; "babe" ,,,,???

**dabdab** : ,,, bro i'm blushing

**dabdab** : call me babe again

**hit the stage** : no fuck u

**dabdab** : sweetie, pls

**hit the stage** : f u ck

**hit the stage** : you're so cute

**dabdab** : adegahhdan

**dabdab** : okay but for real pls

**hit the stage** : alright

**hit the stage** : babe

**dabdab** : (*´♡´*)!!!!! GYEEOOMADNASYAGSGANDA

**hit the stage** : BAHAHAHAHA PLEEASE

**dabdab** : hnNNGH

**hit the stage** : ANYWAY i'm also rlly sorry.

**dabdab** : ?? for?

**hit the stage** : for trying to make u jealous

**dabdab** : ya that was,,, offensive

**hit the stage** : i know, that's why i apologized

**dabdab** : hm

**hit the stage** : knock it off

**dabdab** : soooo,,,,, we chill??

**hit the stage** : ummm

**hit the stage** : yeees???

**dabdab** : oh cool

**hit the stage** : yeah

**hit the stage** : cool

**dabdab** : um so i'll just

**dabdab** : dab on out of here

**dabdab** : and let u get back to whatever ur doing??

**hit the stage** : hey, bam??

**dabdab** : yeah?

**hit the stage** : do you wanna get dinner with me? tonight?

**dabdab** : ... y e s p l e a s e

**hit the stage** : (*´♡´*)

**dabdab** : ASDEFAGSHA

**dabdab** : i just screamed and clutched my left tit

**dabdab** : u uSED THE FACE

**hit the stage** : i did it for u, My Love™

**dabdab** : u don’t think it’s ugly anymore?!?

**hit the stage** : it’s,, grown on me bcus i know u lov it

**dabdab** : WTF I LOV U SM COME TO THE DORM PLS I WANT TO APOLOGIZE AND SQUISH UR DUMB FUCKIN FACE

**hit the stage** : IM ALREADY ON MY WAY (*´♡´*)

XOXOXO

_[ **hit the stage** \-- >> **dabdab** ]_

**hit the stage** : for real tho im sorry we fought and i hope u know im rlly grateful for our friendship, and i'm really looking forward to our date

**dabdab** : stop i’m going to cry

**hit the stage** : agshehahs u fuckin cry baby

**dabdab** : (*´♡´*)

**hit the stage** : (*´♡´*) (*´♡´*)

XOXOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i almost dragged out yugbam fighting for another chapter, but i figured making u guys wait 4 months was enough ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ i am a kind and merciful God
> 
> i'm so sorry this took forever, i rlly hope this was worth the wait!!! u guys said u wanted More Gay, and as a fellow Gay, who am i to say no? thank you for sticking with me this far (*´♡´*)
> 
> tumblr: saltygot7  
> stan twitter: taetuans


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unsurprisingly, things get Gayer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi okay so recently ive seen a lot of bambam hate/jokes about him being stupid and?? im tired of My Son being the butt end of every joke and ppl not taking him seriously, so this chapter is super self indulgent oopsie lolol e n j o y

_[_ **_youngbae_ ** _\-- >>_ **_dabdab_ ** _]_

****

**youngbae** : So

 

**youngbae** : What'd you and Yug do last night?

 

**youngbae** : ;)))

 

**dabdab** : i don't know what ur talking about sarry

 

**youngbae** : We all know you guys made up already. It was easy to tell, considering you HADNT SPOKEN IN FOUR DAYS

 

**dabdab** : ADEGAGSJA good morning to u too bITCH

 

**youngbae** : SO SPILL

 

**youngbae** : I FIGURED HE CAME AND PICKED YOU UP FROM THE DORM BUT WHAT DID YOU GUYS DOOOO

 

**youngbae** : Also?? Why did you not tell us when you guys made up?? Snake!

 

**dabdab** : i was just so caught up in it asegadfsdeag i forgot!! i'm sorry

 

**dabdab** : and,,, he took me out for dinner,,,, ;)))

 

**youngbae** : AND??

 

**dabdab** : and that's it!! we just had dinner, came home, and went to bed

 

**youngbae** : Really? :(( No kiss or anything??

 

**dabdab** : ,,,

 

**youngbae** : Oh my god

 

**youngbae** : Did you guys... ??

 

**dabdab** : nO the walls are too thin for that and u were all home we wouldn't subject u to listening to us fucc

 

**youngbae** : Then??

 

**dabdab** : ,,,,

 

**youngbae** : Gimme a hint

 

**dabdab** : >////<

 

**youngbae** : OH

 

**youngbae** : Were you too scared to kiss him?!?!!

 

**dabdab** : ,,,, yES

 

**youngbae** : BUT YOU GUYS HAVE MADE OUT BEFORE???

 

**dabdab** : YEAH as FRIENDS and when we were both DRUNK!! it's DIFFERENT NOW ASGEGAJDBS NOW WE BOTH KNOW THAT WE LIKE LIKE EACH OTHER

 

**youngbae** : I cannot believe you just said "like like"

 

**dabdab** : :(((

 

**dabdab** : anyway

 

**dabdab** : do the others know?

 

**youngbae** : That you two went on a date?

 

**youngbae** : Well, duh. We all??? Live together???

 

**dabdab** : idk u guys weren't there when he picked me up and when we came back from the date and u were all there, no one rlly?? acknowledged us????

 

**youngbae** : Well.... We all thought you'd want as much Alone Time together as possible ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**dabdab** : that's actually super considerate????

 

**youngbae** : Sure, but you do know we're all going to be interrogating you two later, right?

 

**dabdab** : i expect nothing less at this point

 

**youngbae** : Honestly, I'm still surprised you guys didn't even kiss. I thought you were both thirstier than that

 

**dabdab** : he was just

 

**dabdab** : so cute and blushing and soft and aaaAAA we were both so nervous i cOULDNT INEAS TIOO NERVAOUS

 

**youngbae** : HAHAHAHA

 

**dabdab** : BE NICE TO ME

 

**youngbae** : I AM!!!

 

**dabdab** : nO UR NOT >:((

 

**youngbae** : Um yES I AM

 

**youngbae** : IN FACT

 

**youngbae** : I would like to bet

 

**youngbae** : That once I add you and Yugyeom back to the group chat

 

**youngbae** : I will be the ONLY ONE not teasing or harassing you

 

**dabdab** : ,,,,, :////

 

**youngbae** : You know I'm right uwu

 

**dabdab** : dont uwu at me u fuck

 

**youngbae** : uxu

 

XOXOXO

 

_[chatroom:_ **_yugbam is over #unconfirmed_ ** _]_

**wild n sexy** : might fuck around and love u all today

 

**daddy~** : love you too, jackson

 

**wild n sexy** : what's up u thores!!

 

**certified Mom** : Thores?

 

**wild n sexy** : ya it's thots and whores combined

 

**markipoo** : I cant believe thots and whores combined creates the norse god of thunder

 

**wild n sexy** : wat

 

**wild n sexy** : nO that's THOR and i said THORES

 

**daddy~** : is he calling us gods of thunder?

 

**wild n sexy** : STOP

 

**wild n sexy** : I Have Never Done Anything Wrong In My Entire Life

 

**wild n sexy** : And Yet Here I Am

 

**wild n sexy** : Being Bullied

 

**certified Mom** : We're sorry

 

**God of Thunder and Thicc Thighs** : thank u <33

 

**God of Thunder and Thicc Thighs** : WHAT WHO CHANGED MY BAME

 

**daddy~** : it's a mystery

 

**God of Thunder and Thicc Thighs** : WHO FUCKING DID IT

 

**markipoo** : Lol me

 

**God of Thunder and Thicc Thighs** : ITS TOO LONG

 

**markipoo** : I don't think I've ever heard Jackson complain about something being "too long" before

 

**God of Thunder and Thicc Thighs** : hnnGH

 

**daddy~** : ... jackson?

 

**certified Mom** : Did you break Jackson?

 

**markipoo** : I didn't mean to

 

**daddy~** : i think mark making a sex joke startled him too much and he died

 

**markipoo** : Oh my goodness

 

**certified Mom** : Hold on let me just

 

**daddy~** : what

 

**certified Mom** : Okay

 

**markipoo** : ? What did you do?

 

**certified Mom** : When Jackson comes back from the dead, you'll see

 

**daddy~** : oh boy

 

**thirsty for mark** : don't worry i'm alive

 

**markipoo** : OH MY GOODNESS

 

**thirsty for mark** : stOP WHP CHANGED IT AGAIN ID OTN LIKE THIS

 

**thirsty for mark** : JINYO OUN G WHY WOULD U DO THSI TO MEE

 

**thirsty for mark** : i mean it's true and @ mark u can have me anytime u like ;))

 

**thirsty for mark** : bUT STILL

 

**thirsty for mark** : I JUST WANT TO BE WILD AND SEXY AND U KEEP TAKING IT AWAY FROM ME!!!

 

**daddy~** : i'll fix it

 

**wild n thirsty** : thank u

 

**wild n thirsty** : ....

 

**wild n thirsty** : alright fuck you guys

 

**wild n thirsty** : except u mark

 

**wild n thirsty** : fuck me ;)))

 

**markipoo** : No

 

XOXOXO

 

_[chatroom:_ **_yugbam is over #unconfirmed_ ** _]_

**youngbae** : Hello, everyone!

 

**certified Mom** : Hello, sweetie

 

**youngbae** : !!!!

 

**daddy~** : "sweetie"

 

**certified Mom** : I felt the need to establish that Youngjae is still my favorite

 

**markipoo** : What about me

 

**certified Mom** : You're my other favorite

 

**markipoo** : Thank you ^^

 

**wild n thirsty** : what about me?!

 

**certified Mom** : Hmm?

 

**certified Mom** : Sorry, who are you?

 

**wild n thirsty** : anyway i'm offended

 

_[_ **_youngbae_ ** _has added_ **_dabdab_ ** _to the group]_

_[_ **_youngbae_ ** _has added_ **_hit the stage_ ** _to the group]_

 

_[_ **_wild n thirsty_ ** _renamed chatroom:_ **_R0M@nC3 i$ R3@L_ ** _]_

_[_ **_markipoo_ ** _renamed chatroom:_ **_Romance is Real_ ** _]_

**youngbae** : Welcome back, frens!

**dabdab** : what the fuck is up, my dudes!!!!!

 

**dabdab** : i know u missed us but don't worry, yugbam is back and better than everrr!!!1!1!!1!11!

**daddy~** : we live with you. we didn't miss you.

 

**dabdab** : yeah okay daddy ;))

**certified Mom** : How was your guys' date?

 

**dabdab** : :///

 

**dabdab** : why'd u have to do that i wanted to announce we were dating and everyone would be shocked and applaud us

 

**hit the stage** : let us have this one thing

 

**certified Mom** : F i n e.

 

**certified Mom** : Wow, BamBam!!!!??? Yugyeom!!!!??? You've made up??!! How surprising and completely unexpected!!!

 

**hit the stage** : never mind ur no fun

 

**dabdab** : ya fuck u jinyoung

 

**hit the stage** : boooo

 

**dabdab** : boooooo

**certified Mom** : Do you want to die?

 

**dabdab** : no thank u i have a will to live now that im dating the literal love of my life

 

**wild n thirsty** : !!! cUTE

 

**certified Mom** : Disgusting

 

**dabdab** : alright homophobic

 

**hit the stage** : when we have children ur not allowed to see them

 

**daddy~** : do not say that to him, he loves children and you fuck bags know that

 

**youngbae** : What if you make him cry!

 

**markipoo** : Cry!!! Cry!!!!! Cry!!!

 

**dabdab** : PFFT **  
**

**wild n sexy** : mARK

 

**certified Mom** : I want new sons, I don't like mine anymore

 

**certified Mom** : Except you, Youngjae

 

**certified Mom** : You're doing great, sweetie **  
**

**youngbae** : uwu

 

**daddy~** : do you guys have another date tonight?

 

**hit the stage** : we considered it, but we'd rather spend it together with everyone

 

**hit the stage** : now that we've made up and won't subject u guys to having to watch us be passive aggressive at the dinner table

 

**youngbae** : Good, because for those four dinners when you weren't speaking, I was so stressed out I almost just started Screaming

 

**hit the stage** : oops sorry lolol

 

**dabdab** : it's okay now, and as an apology for putting u guys through that!!

 

**dabdab** : we'll make dinner for u guys tonight!!

 

**markipoo** : I want meat

 

**dabdab** : you always want meat

 

**markipoo** : ?? So the fuck what????

 

**markipoo** : Make me meat

 

**hit the stage** : omg okay we will make u meat

 

**dabdab** : i was planning on making a stew, is that okay

 

**dabdab** : i mean it'll have meat in it

 

**markipoo** : ... I will allow it

 

**daddy~** : (b=u=)b

 

**daddy~** : that's me

 

**daddy~** : giving u thumbs up

 

**dabdab** : ,,,

 

**certified Mom** : . . .

 

**youngbae** : .......

 

**daddy~** : ...what

 

**dabdab** : that was just

 

**hit the stage** : rlly cute

 

**certified Mom** : Anytime Jaebum does something like that, I get whiplash

 

**youngbae** : Jaaaeebummiieee so cuuuuuute

 

**daddy~** : i hate this

 

**wild n thirsty** : nooo ur cuuuute

 

**wild n thirsty** : embrace ur softness

 

**jellybum** : no

 

**jellybum** : alright whomst the fuck changed it

 

**markipoo** : It wasn't me this time

 

**dabdab** : it wasn't me!

 

**hit the stage** : i didn't do it

 

**certified Mom** : . . . ;)

 

**jellybum** : no

 

**certified Mom** : A New Era Begins

 

**certified Mom** : The Era Of Jellybum

 

**jellybum** : i hate this

 

**youngbae** : If you hate it so much, why haven't you changed it back?

 

**wild n thirsty** : HAHA

 

**wild n thirsty** : #calledout

 

**markipoo** : Because Jinyoung is the one who changed it, so that makes it okay

 

**jellybum** : you caught me

 

**dabdab** : -chants loudly- JJPARENTS

 

**youngbae** : JJPARENTS

 

**hit the stage** : JJPARENTS!!

 

**certified Mom** : Nope, there's no need for that

 

**hit the stage** : -jjparents intensifies-

 

**certified Mom** : What have I done

 

**jellybum** : (= , =)

 

**markipoo** : Awww

 

**markipoo** : He's being cute again

 

**certified Mom** : Ahddasg

 

**dabdab** : ?

 

**certified Mom** : I dropped my phone on my face

 

**markipoo** : I cannot believe Jinyoung is so whipped for Jaebum that he physically cannot handle Jaebum being soft

 

**jellybum** : i'm not being soft i'm using emojis like you guys

 

**hit the stage** : he just wants to be a cool kid like us

 

**jellybum** : you're not cool

 

**hit the stage** : first of all how dare you

 

**jellybum** : what's second of all

 

**hit the stage** : second of all shut the fuck up

 

**youngbae** : HAHAHA

 

**hit the stage** : anYWAY does anyone want to ask bambam and i how our date went (>//‿//<✿)

**certified Mom** : No thank you, I think we can all guess it was just pretty gay

 

**jellybum** : ^^^^

**youngbae** : I have a question though!

 

**dabdab** : yeees??

 

**youngbae** : What if you guys have a messy break up and it ruins the dynamic of our beautiful family

 

**wild n thirsty** : hOW COUSKS U ASK THAT

 

**hit the stage** : STOSPTOPSTOP YOURE SCARING ME

 

**youngbae** : WELL IM SCARED TOO I JUST WANTED TO KNOW THAT IF THINGS DONT END WELL WE WILL ALL STILL BE BIG AND HAPPY AND OKAY

 

**hit the stage** : I REALLY DONT WANT TO THINK OR TALK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW SORRY YOUNGJAE

 

**markipoo** : This went 0 to 100 real quick

 

**youngbae** : BUT WHAT IF THINGS END SUPER POORLY AND BECAUSE YOU GUYS DONT GET ALONG ANYMORE IT RIPS APART THIS WHOLE GROUP

 

**markipoo** : Youngjae...

 

**dabdab** : i promise you that if things don't end well between us, we won't let it affect any of you

 

**dabdab** : -serious mode on-

 

**jellybum** : saying "-serious mode on-" doesn't actually help us take u seriously u can just start speaking and it'll be ok

 

**dabdab** : shhh

 

**dabdab** : i know that yugyeom and i aren't just risking our friendship. we're also risking this entire group's dynamic.

 

**dabdab** : and maybe it's selfish of us for dating even though we know that

 

**dabdab** : but guys (and this is super embarrassingly gay even for me) i'm so in love with him, and i really want to be with him. and i really hope you all can support that

 

**dabdab** : -serious mode off-

 

**dabdab** : hey what's up sluts i just blacked out for a minute lol

 

**jellybum** : i know sometimes it's scary and hard for you to take things seriously, and you feel like you have to always be silly in order for people to like you, but that was genuinely very mature and sweet of you.

 

**jellybum** : and i'm very proud to call you my friend

 

**hit the stage** : oh my god i'm so in love with you, bam

 

**dabdab** : s t o p;;

 

**markipoo** : Of course we'll support you two. We're your best friends!

 

**youngbae** : I'm sorry if I freaked you out, I didn't mean to!!!

 

**hit the stage** : it's okay!! we know you'd never have any ill intent

 

**certified Mom** : On a bit of a different note,

 

**certified Mom** : -Serious mode on-

 

**dabdab** : ASEDHAHA

 

**certified Mom** : Bam, I hope you know that you don't always have to be silly or funny in front of us. You're allowed to be angry and sad, or anything else, and we'll still support you regardless.

 

**certified Mom** : We don't keep you around just because you're funny. We keep you around because you're smart, kind, clever, charming, caring, and so much more. You're BamBam, and you're one of our best friends.

 

**dabdab** : i really really really love you guys

 

**dabdab** : i'm actually crying right now lol

 

**dabdab** : thank you, jinyoungie

 

**certified Mom** : Of course, brat. We adore you, and I never want you to reduce yourself to just a joke.

 

**jellybum** : you're much more than that, and i'm sorry if we've ever made you feel any differently

 

**markipoo** : We love you so much.

 

**youngbae** : We wouldn't be Us™️ without you!!!

 

**wild n thirsty** : even though u shouldn't feel like u have to Meme all the time, there's no one else i'd rather Meme with

 

**certified Mom** : Bam? You okay??

 

**wild n thirsty** : why'd he suddenly go silent

 

**hit the stage** : okay so

 

**hit the stage** : bambam just called me he's full on sobbing he can't see his screen to text back rn

 

**hit the stage** : he says you've never made him feel like that, it's his own insecurities

 

**hit the stage** : but he loves you all, and from now on, he'll allow himself to be more than just A Meme™️ in front of u

 

**hit the stage** : he also says "i don't know why they're suddenly having a We Love BamBam fest, but i'm thankful lmao"

 

**hit the stage** : he actually said "lmao" out loud

 

**hit the stage** : but like

 

**hit the stage** : luh-meow

 

**markipoo** : There's no "meow" in lmao though

 

**hit the stage** : yeah. yeah i know.

 

**markipoo** : Does Bam know that?

 

**hit the stage** : yes and he says "fuck you"

 

**hit the stage** : he says he loves you guys and he's just rlly soft and "acting like a lil baby bitch boy right now" **  
**

**wild n thirsty** : omg i love him

 

**youngbae** : A Good Boy **  
**

**hit the stage** : for real tho he wants to know why ur all "suddenly gay for him"

 

**certified Mom** : It felt as good a time as any to remind him that he's more than his humor

**hit the stage** : hE JUST BURST OUT SOBBING AGAIN

 

**hit the stage** : he's so cute oh my god this isn't fair

 

**hit the stage** : his eyes are all puffy and red and he's still so?? attractive? this is genuinely infuriating

 

**youngbae** : I stan yugbam

 

**markipoo** : This is precious

 

**markipoo** : It almost makes me want to be in a relationship

 

**wild n thirsty** : ready when u are ;))))

 

**markipoo** : I said almost.

 

**youngbae** : Obliterated

 

**wild n thirsty** : it's okay, i think i'm making progress

 

**wild n thirsty** : one day i will successfully woo mark

 

**markipoo** : But you

 

**youngbae** : ???

 

**youngbae** : But whAT??

 

**youngbae** : "But you already have"?? IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY??

 

**markipoo** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**youngbae** : Okay, Jackson's lack of a response is worrying

 

**markipoo** : Did I accidentally kill Jackson again

 

**certified Mom** : I think you did

 

**jellybum** : it's highly likely

 

**hit the stage** : guuuys

 

**hit the stage** :bambam just fell asleep on facetime with me

 

**jellybum** : what how

 

**hit the stage** : he was just on his bed kinda sobbing and laughing and then he plopped his face down to cry into his pillow and then he just kind of

 

**hit the stage** : fell asleep

 

**youngbae** : Should one of us go home to check on him?

 

**hit the stage** : i'm literally on my way to the dorm rn i just want to hold him and Love Him Forever

 

**certified Mom** : Have fun, make good choices

 

**hit the stage** : not to be #homo or anything but bambam is the best choice i've ever made

 

**jellybum** : idk that's pretty homo

 

**youngbae** : This is the future gays want

 

**certified Mom** : ??

 

**youngbae** : Yugbam. The gays want yugbam!!!!

 

**youngbae** : Yugbam yugbam yugbam yugbam

**certified Mom** : Yug, just text us when you get there so we know you arrived safely

 

**hit the stage** : will do!! <3

 

**youngbae** : What's this?? Jinyoung and Yugyeom NOT bullying each other?????

 

**markipoo** : Witchcraft

**certified Mom** : Let me Love The Child

 

**jellybum** : "The Child" jinyoung he is a grown ass man

 

**certified Mom** : I can't hear you over me, loving The Child

 

**youngbae** : Love Me, Another Child, Next

 

**jellybum** : you are also a grown ass man

 

**youngbae** : Yes, but I just want to be loved

 

**certified Mom** : You are

 

**youngbae** : Cool

 

**markipoo** : "Cool" Nice try, acting nonchalant, as if you aren't actually blushing right now

 

**youngbae** : I will murder you

 

**markipoo** : Oof

 

**jellybum** : oof indeed

 

**wild n thirsty** : h-hewwo

 

**wild n thirsty** : i'm Alive

 

**certified Mom** : Welcome back. How was death?

 

**wild n thirsty** : believe it or not, Death is actually a gay, and he's banging as fuck

 

**jellybum** : ..... oh?

 

**youngbae** : That's,,,, nice

 

**wild n thirsty** : yeah on a scale of 1 to mark tuan he was a solid 9

**certified Mom** : Your scale of hotness is 1 to Mark?

 

**wild n thirsty** : ?? yours isn't???

 

**markipoo** : Oh my g o o d n e s s **  
**

XOXOXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i started this as a crackfic/ot7 fic, and while it is definitely still that, it got a lot gayer than i intended,,,, w h i c h leads me to asking: do you want me to add other ships and make it Extra Gay ft. some actual plot, or only keep the established yugbam and continue shitposting???
> 
> let me know what u think, and, if u have the time, leave me a comment!! i genuinely love reading everything you guys have to say, and i Cherish it all uwu (aka validate me, u vaginas)
> 
> stan tumblr: saltgot7  
> stan twitter: taetuans


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... and so, the markson arc begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,, hey what's up thots,,,, :)  
> sorry i haven't updated in ~a long time~ sO as an apology! here's an extra long chapter!!! AND u asked for more Gay and more Plot, so there's that, too!! eat well, my stinkies  
> 

_ [ _ **_dabdab_ ** _ \-->> _ **_wild n thirsty_ ** _ ] _ _  
_ _  
_ **dabdab** : hey im writing a story   
  
**wild n thirsty** : is it kinky   
  
**dabdab** : yep ;))   
  
**dabdab** : its a sexy romance novel,,, or more accurately,,,, a sexy fanfic ;))   
  
**wild n thirsty** : oooh ;)))   
  
**dabdab** : about jinyoung and jaebum ;)))))   
  
**wild n thirsty** : BITCH WHAT THE FUCK BAHAHAHAHAHA   
  
**wild n thirsty** : send it to me i want to read it!!   
  
**dabdab** : nooo it's not done yet   
  
**dabdab** : but i can tell u the tags   
  
**wild n thirsty** : y are there tags for it   
  
**dabdab** : i want it to be like a fic layout   
  
**wild n thirsty** : but why   
  
**dabdab** : i think it's funny   
  
**dabdab** : so do u wanna know the tags or not   
  
**wild n thirsty** : wat are the tags   
  
**dabdab** : vore, piss play, foot fetish, major character death   
  
**dabdab** : are just some of the tags   
  
**wild n thirsty** : wh   
  
**wild n thirsty** : what the fuck is wrong with you   
  
**dabdab** : my mother doesn't love me :(   
  
**wild n thirsty** : ?? yes she does   
  
**dabdab** : not my actual mom, i'm talking about jinyoung   
  
**wild n thirsty** : ,,,,   
  
**wild n thirsty** : jinyoung loves u!!   
  
**dabdab** : WHYD U HESITATE   
  
**wild n thirsty** : i   
  
**wild n thirsty** : i think mark is calling for me gtg   
  
**dabdab** : U BITCH MARK IS IN CLASS AND U KNOW IT   
  
XOXOXO   
  
_ [chatroom:  _ **_Romance is Real_ ** _ ] _ _  
_   
**hit the stage** : hellur   
  
**hit the stage** : helluuuuur   
  
**hit the stage** : okay fine then   
  
**hit the stage** : ignore me   
  
_ [ _ **_hit the stage_ ** _ renamed chatroom:  _ **_pay attention to me u asses_ ** _ ] _ _  
_   
**hit the stage** : jk lol dONT IGNORE ME   
  
**hit the stage** : i require Love and Affection   
  
**hit the stage** : hELLUUUUR??   
  
**youngbae** : Hello!!! I love you!!!   
  
**youngbae** : My overgrown giant baby boy!!   
  
**youngbae** : A good boy!! The best boy!!! I love this boy!!!!   
  
**hit the stage** : youngjaaaee   
  
**youngbae** : uwu✿   
  
**hit the stage** : i love you tooooo   
  
**hit the stage** : thank u uwuwuwuuwuwuwwuwuwuwuwu   
  
**youngbae** : Ofc!!!   
  
**dabdab** : HI HELLO I HEARD WE'RE SHOWERING YUGYEOM IN LOVE AND AFFECTION?   
  
**dabdab** : I LOV MY BOYFRIEND   
  
**dabdab** : I LOV HIM SO MUCH SOMETIMES MY TINY EVIL HEART FEELS LIKE ITS GOING TO EXPLODE   
  
**youngbae** : HAHAHAHA TINY EVIL HEART   
  
**hit the stage** : yOU DONT HAVE A TINY EVIL HEART   
  
**youngbae** : He might, actually. BamBam is an enigma   
  
**dabdab** : -bangs pots and pans together- YUGYEOM IS PRECIOUS AND GOOD AND THIS WORLD DOESNT DESERVE HIM   
  
**dabdab** : 10/10 WOULD LET HIM FUCK ME   
  
**dabdab** : 10/10 have let him fuck me ;))))))   
  
**youngbae** : WH A T   
  
**youngbae** : ALREA D Y???   
  
**hit the stage** : ADHABSHAH   
  
**hit the stage** : NO WE HAVENT   
  
**youngbae** : YOU BIG SLUTS GOOD FOR YOU   
  
**hit the stage** : WE!! HAVENT!!! FUQQED!!!!   
  
**dabdab** : YOUNGJAE U SOUND LIKE ME RN AGDJBA   
  
**youngbae** : I've spent too much time with you guys   
  
**youngbae** : I'm slowly inheriting parts of your personality   
  
**youngbae** : Soon I won't be as soft anymore >:3c   
  
**hit the stage** : youngjae: "i won't be soft anymore!!!"   
  
**hit the stage** : also youngjae: ">:3c"   
  
**youngbae** : I feel attacked   
  
**youngbae** : It's not my fault I'm the cutest   
  
**youngbae** : I'm just that good ꒰◍ᐡᐤᐡ◍꒱   
  
**dabdab** : that lil emoji thing literally is u   
  
**youngbae** : ꒰◍ᐡᐤᐡ◍꒱ it me   
  
**hit the stage** : wait choose one that's me   
  
**youngbae** : Okaaay   
  
**youngbae** : This one   
  
**youngbae** : ~(˘▾˘~)   
  
**youngbae** : It looks like it's dancing   
  
**dabdab** : ME NEXT ME NEXT   
  
**youngbae** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) this one is Bam   
  
**dabdab** : i want to be offended but ur right   
  
**dabdab** : i embrace it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   
  
**youngbae** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   
  
**hit the stage** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   
  
**markipoo** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   
  
**youngbae** : Oh!   
  
**youngbae** : I got surprised at how suddenly you showed up   
  
**markipoo** : Lol I just got out of class   
  
**markipoo** : I gotta blast now tho I'm meeting Jackson for a late lunch/early dinner before his fencing    
  
**hit the stage** : ahh have fun!   
  
**dabdab** : enjoy ur date ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   
  
**youngbae** : Make good choices!   
  
**markipoo** : Don't tell me what to do   
  
**youngbae** : Sorry   
  
XOXOXO   
  
_ [ _ **_markipoo_ ** _ \-->> _ **_wild n thirsty_ ** _ ] _ _  
_   
**markipoo** : I'm in the lot lmk when you're here   
  
**wild n thirsty** : ooo perfect timing! i lov being ur soulmate   
  
**wild n thirsty** : i just finished parking, i'm walking up rn   
  
**markipoo** : I don't see you?   
  
**markipoo** : Oh   
  
**markipoo** : OH I see you!   
  
**markipoo** : I'm omw now   
  
XOXOXO   
  
_ [ _ **_markipoo_ ** _ \-->> _ **_certified Mom_ ** _ ] _ _  
_   
**markipoo** : Hey so hypothetical question what do I do if Jackson is wearing The Jeans   
  
**certified Mom** : The Jeans?    
  
**certified Mom** : You mean the pair that literally forced your gay awakening?   
  
**markipoo** : Please it makes his thighs look so sinful   
  
**markipoo** : Yeah, THOSE jeans   
  
**certified Mom** : And you're getting dinner one on one with him?   
  
**markipoo** : Yeah?   
  
**certified Mom** : Good fucking luck   
  
**markipoo** : I'll text you when he goes to fencing   
  
**certified Mom** : Alright. Have fun, don't panic!   
  
XOXOXO   
  
_ [ _ **_wild n thirsty_ ** _ \-->> _ **_markipoo_ ** _ ] _ _  
_   
**wild n thirsty** : i seeeee yoooouuu   
  
**wild n thirsty** : YOU CUT YOUR HAIR??   
  
**wild n thirsty** : WHEN?? HOW???   
  
**markipoo** : Lol literally right before our date   
  
**wild n thirsty** : ,,, so u admit it's a date? ;))   
  
**markipoo** : Scheduled appointment*   
  
**wild n thirsty** : shUT UP DONT MAKE IT SOUND LIKE A DOCTORS VISIT   
  
XOXOXO   
  
_ [ _ **_wild n thirsty_ ** _ \-->> _ **_jellybum_ ** _ ] _ _  
_   
**wild n thirsty** : he has a undercut now   
  
**wild n thirsty** : this is illegal   
  
**jellybum** : who? mark??   
  
**wild n thirsty** : yes i'm so pissed and horny and in love?? i'm so soft and hard at the same time uwu   
  
**jellybum** : oh my god   
  
**wild n thirsty** : please i ad0re this man   
  
**wild n thirsty** : ok we're walking in now i gtg but i'll text u screaming about him later   
  
**jellybum** : have fun!   
  
**wild n thirsty** : will do!!   
  
XOXOXO   
  
_ [ _ **_markipoo_ ** _ \-->> _ **_certified Mom_ ** _ ] _ _  
_   
**markipoo** : Hey, he just left for fencing!

  
**markipoo** : I'm in the car rn   
  
**certified Mom** : How was it?   
  
**markipoo** : A lot of fun   
  
**markipoo** : It's always fun when he's around   
  
**certified Mom** : That's good! So was it a date then, or..?   
  
**markipoo** : He wanted it to be   
  
**markipoo** : Or at least he said that but   
  
**markipoo** : Idk he flirts with everyone, you know how it is   
  
**certified Mom** : Okay, but we've been through this a thousand times   
  
**certified Mom** : He flirts with everyone because he's JACKSON   
  
**certified Mom** : But I do believe he genuinely likes you   
  
**markipoo** : Idk   
  
**markipoo** : I want to believe that but??    
  
**markipoo** : I think he's just joking around and I'm reading too much into it bcus I like him   
  
**markipoo** : I think it's just wishful thinking   
  
**certified Mom** : I have to disagree   
  
**certified Mom** : I think you're choosing to believe he's just being flirty for the sake of being flirty, because you're scared   
  
**certified Mom** : You're a smart boy-- You KNOW it's not just Jackson being flirty. You KNOW he's sending you signals   
  
**certified Mom** : But for whatever reason, you keep turning him down   
  
**markipoo** : Because he doesn't genuinely like me!    
  
**markipoo** : Hold on, let me just call you   
  
XOXOXO   
  
_ [ _ **_wild n thirsty_ ** _ \-->> _ **_jellybum_ ** _ ] _ _  
_   
**wild n thirsty** : hey i have about ten minutes before fencing starts u ready for the Tea, Sis?   
  
**jellybum** : go ahead, i'm listening   
  
**wild n thirsty** : okay so   
  
**wild n thirsty** : first of all;   
  
**wild n thirsty** : mark is hot as shit but mark with an undercut is something else entirely like i think i got pregnant just from looking at him   
  
**jellybum** : that's fair   
  
**wild n thirsty** : second;   
  
**wild n thirsty** : i'm rlly bummed   
  
**wild n thirsty** : i had so much fun but when i asked him if this could be a date he kinda brushed it off   
  
**wild n thirsty** : like it was just a joke??   
  


**wild n thirsty** : like *i* was just a joke??

  
**jellybum** : oh, jackson...   
  
**wild n thirsty** : and ik i joke around a lot but does he rlly find it that hard to believe that i actually Feel Affection For Him?   
  
**jellybum** : hold up   
  
**jellybum** : you're freaking yourself out   
  
**jellybum** : have you ever actually TALKED to him about your feelings?   
  
**wild n thirsty** : all the time!!!   
  
**jellybum** : but was it a serious conversation or??   
  
**wild n thirsty** : well   
  
**wild n thirsty** : no, i just kinda lightly mentioned it like i always do   
  
**jellybum** : i think that's where you're both going wrong then   
  
**jellybum** : mark probably thinks you're not serious about liking him, and that it's just you being flirty

  
**jellybum** : so you should have a sit down conversation with him and talk about this   
  
**wild n thirsty** : i would but   
  
**wild n thirsty** : jaebum there's a thousand things that could go wrong   
  
**jellybum** : you're thinking about "what if this goes wrong?" but you're not thinking about "what if this goes right?"   
  
**jellybum** : have u considered what would happen if he returned your affection??   
  
**wild n thirsty** : aaa   
  
**wild n thirsty** : honestly, not really?   
  
**jellybum** : see? you're only thinking about the negatives   
  
**jellybum** : i'm gonna let u go to fencing now, but call me when ur done and we can talk about this   
  
**jellybum** : i don't want u to bottle all this shit up and try to deal with it by yourself

  
**wild n thirsty** : okay   
  
**wild n thirsty** : thanks, bummie   
  
**jellybum** : of course, jackson

  
XOXOXO   
  
_ [ _ **_jellybum_ ** _ \-->> _ **_certified Mom_ ** _ ] _ _  
_   
**jellybum** : hey, i just got off the phone with jackson   
  
**certified Mom** : Yeah, I talked to Mark earlier. How'd it go with Jackson?   
  
**jellybum** : it went alright   
  
**jellybum** : in his head, he's BEEN seriously pursuing mark, but mark doesn't take him seriously and thinks he's a joke   
  
**certified Mom** : That's...   
  
**jellybum** : yeah. trust me, i know   
  
**jellybum** : so i told him that that's not the case, and that, since he's flirtatious with everyone, mark probably thinks that there's nothing there, and jackson is just treating him like he would treat anyone else   
  
**certified Mom** : That's basically what I told Mark, too   
  
**certified Mom** : We talked a lot about his feelings for Jackson, and I reassured him that Jackson DOES like him-- he's just not... very clear about it.    
  
**certified Mom** : But there's also the issue that Mark, for whatever reason, is scared of entering a relationship with him? I'm not sure what it is yet, I'll have to talk to him about that later, but I think it's more than him just being scared of Jackson not genuinely liking him.   
  
**jellybum** : yeah, you should talk to him about that later   
  
**jellybum** : and jackson is terrified of having a sit down conversation about his feelings with mark   
  
**jellybum** : bcus a) u know how scared jackson is of rejection   
  
**certified Mom** : Yeah   
  
**jellybum** : and b) when it comes to certain topics, say, for instance, his feelings for mark, jackson uses humor to deflect

  
**certified Mom** : But it's that exact humor that's making Mark think he doesn't really have feelings for him   
  
**jellybum** : exactly.   
  
**jellybum** : if they're going to have this conversation and try entering a relationship together, then they really need to meet each other halfway   
  
**certified Mom** : Agreed. Or there's no way this could work out   
  
**jellybum** : i'll keep talking to jackson and i'll keep u informed   
  
**certified Mom** : Likewise.   
  
XOXOXO   
  
_ [chatroom:  _ **_pay attention to me u asses_ ** _ ] _ _  
_   
**dabdab** : can someone proofread this fic im writing   
  
**markipoo** : What is it?   
  
**dabdab** : it’s a surprise, but it’s about jjparents’ romance   
  
**markipoo** : Send it.

  
**wild n thirsty** : IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS YES   
  
**wild n thirsty** : send it to me too!   
  
**dabdab** : okayyy it's sent!   
  
**certified Mom** : Why did you write a fanfiction about me and Jaebum?   
  
**hit the stage** : jaebum and i**   
  
**certified Mom** : No, I was correct. It's "me and Jaebum".    
  
**certified Mom** : Nice try though, shithead.    
  
**certified Mom** : You just said that to distract me though, didn't you?   
  
**hit the stage** : ,,,, maybe;;;   
  
**certified Mom** : Anyway, I wasn't going to scold Bam for writing a romance novel about me and Jaebum   
  
**certified Mom** : I actually think that's funny   
  
**markipoo** : BamBam   
  
**markipoo** : I read the tags   
  
**markipoo** : I don’t want to read anymore   
  
_ [ _ **_markipoo_ ** _ renamed chatroom:  _ **_god is dead and bambam has killed him_ ** _ ] _ _  
_   
**wild n thirsty** : BAHAHAHAHAHA   
  
**certified Mom** : Why are there tags, and what are they?   
  
**dabdab** : 1) i wanted the most meme worthy layout possible so i thot tags would be funny 2) don't worry about it   
  
**certified Mom** : What are the tags, you heathen?   
  
**dabdab** : dONT WORRY ABOUT JT   
  
**dabdab** : NO ONE TELL HIM   
  
**dabdab** : OR ILL SHIT IN UR GODDAMN MOUTH   
  
**wild n thirsty** : oooooo shit in my mouth daddy ;)))   
  
**hit the stage** : stOP   
  
**wild n thirsty** : is bambam only allowed to be your daddy?   
  
**wild n thirsty** : yugyeom, ur bottom is showing   
  
**hit the stage** : stOP STOPS TOPATOEPA DOTP STOP SOTP   
  
**dabdab** : (he's actually a switch)   
  
**wild n thirsty** : (oh hot)   
  
**hit the stage** : (both of u shut the fuck up)   
  
**certified Mom** : (Someone tell me the tags or I'll actually murder you all)   
  
**markipoo** : (Lol)   
  
**youngbae** : (Hey what's up guys why are we talking like this)   
  
**jellybum** : (yeah, why are we?)   
  
**wild n thirsty** : (bambam started it and we all kinda followed)   
  
**youngbae** : (I feel like whoever stops now is Weak™️)   
  
**youngbae** : So I'll just stop it, because I know you'll all fight otherwise uwu   
  
**youngbae** : I am an ~angle~   
  
**markipoo** : Do you mean angel?   
  
**youngbae** : I know what I said, bitch   
  
**markipoo** : YOUNGJAE JUST CALLED ME A BITCH   
  
**youngbae** : uwu I did no such thing   
  
**shithead** : HAHAHAHA   
  
**shithead** : wait what   
  
**shithead** : WHO CHANGED ME FROM HIT THE STAGE TO SHITHEAD   
  
**certified Mom** : When I called you shithead earlier, it filled me with unbridled happiness   
  
**certified Mom** : So I decided to change your name to that

  
**certified Mom** : To make me happy   
  
**shithead** : ,,,, ik the expected reaction from me is to start spamming in all caps and crying about how i want a new mother but i just choked on my chocolate milk laughing   
  
**markipoo** : But why are we not talking about how Youngjae flat out called me a bitch   
  
**wild n thirsty** : wait wait wait yugyeom say something again   
  
**shit the stage** : something   
  
**shit the stage** : WHAT   
  
**wild n thirsty** : HAHAHAHAHAH   
  
**certified Mom** : phdlyc   
  
**jellybum** : jinyoung just dropped his phone and is laughing his ass off right now   
  
**jellybum** : there are tears in his eyes   
  
**jellybum** : wow he really just loves bullying yugyeom   
  
**certified Mom** : Ple as e  it' s so funn y   
  
**certified Mom** : Oh ym go d   
  
**shit the stage** : i want to yell but jinyoung texting like that is rlly cute he should show emotion via text more often   
  
**certified Mom** : Shit the st a ge   
  
**jellybum** : he's officially crying from laughing so hard   
  
**youngbae** : Send pics   
  
**jellybum** : **[SENT 2 ATTACHMENTS]** **  
**   
**markipoo** : He   
  
**wild n thirsty** : him.   
  
**dabdab** : his little eye whiskers   
  
**dabdab** : his  s m i l e   
  
**youngbae** : How can I actually hear him through these pictures   
  
**shit the stage** : bambam im sorry baby but i'm leaving u for jinyoung   
  
**dabdab** : that's fair i'm also leaving u for jinyoung   
  
**wild n thirsty** : he's so cute   
  
**youngbae** : I'm making those pictures my wallpaper   
  
**youngbae** : Thank you so much for these   
  
**jellybum** : everytime he picks up his phone he immediately puts it down, says "shit the stage", and starts laughing again   
  
**wild n thirsty** : honestly it's not even that funny but i'm so thankful he thinks it is   
  
**markipoo** : I keep looking at these pictures how is he so pure   
  
**shit the stage** : yeah honestly bambam im leaving u for him   
  
**dabdab** : or   
  
**dabdab** : hear me out   
  
**dabdab** : polyamory   
  
**shit the stage** : o shit ur right @ jinyoung u down?   
  
**certified Mom** : shi t   t he stag e   
  
**shit the stage** : okay u seem busy i'll ask u later   
  
**markipoo** : I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Youngjae called me a bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,, so this fic is definitely going in a completely different direction than what i originally intended,,, but u probably noticed that oof!!  
> ik ive said this before, but i originally started this as just a crack fic, and it's slowly? developing plot?? and also Ships Are Forming??? so if ur not into that and want to stop reading, i completely understand, and i wish u the best!!! uwu  
> if u DO want to see more plot and relationships unfold, then stick around, bcus,,, boy oh boy do i have some shit planned,,,,, :)) (but don't worry. this fic will still have the same crack-head shit as always)
> 
> thank you all for sticking with me, and i hope you guys will like where this fic is heading! uwuwuwuwuwu i hope to see u soon!!!
> 
> stan tumblr: saltygot7  
> stan twitter: taetuans


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, last chapter: "see u soon!!!"  
> me, in actuality: *becomes obsessed with dragon age and disappears into a hole for nearly 6 months*  
> this was supposed to be posted on halloween lol its #fine ! for those of u that celebrate halloween, i hope it was sexc n spooky uwu for those of u that dont, i hope ur day was sexc n spooky anyway uwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwu ok bye now hope u like this chapter mwa

_[chatroom:_ **_god is dead and bambam has killed him_ ** _]_

**markipoo** : Hey does anyone know Taehyung's number?

 

**shit the stage** : i have it! why

 

**wild n thirsty** : ya why?

 

**markipoo** : Oh lol I just have a question about one of our classes

 

**shit the stage** : i'll send it ur way!

 

**markipoo** : Thanks!

 

XOXOXO

 

_[ **wild n thirsty**  -->>  **jellybum** ]_

 

**wild n thirsty** : DAD PICK UO UR FUCIK PHOEN

 

**jellybum** : WHAT

 

**jellybum** : is there a reason you're spamming me with calls

 

**wild n thirsty** : YES

 

**wild n thirsty** : wait did i wake u up

 

**jellybum** : yes and i hate you

 

**wild n thirsty** : i'm sowwy uwu

 

**jellybum** : die.

 

**wild n thirsty** : AHDNAJ BITCH I MIGHT ACTUALLY

 

**jellybum** : what's up?

 

**wild n thirsty** : DID U NOT SEE THE GC

 

**jellybum** : ?? no??? i just woke up???? i thought we established that????

 

**wild n thirsty** : mark yi en tuan

 

**wild n thirsty** : aka the actually loml

 

**wild n thirsty** : a s k e d f o r t a e h y u n g s n u m b e r

 

**jellybum** : okay but that might not mean anything though?

 

**wild n thirsty** : yes it does mark said it was for one of his classes

 

**jellybum** : then there you go! it's for one of his classes. purely platonic

 

**wild n thirsty** : no that's just his cover up

 

**jellybum** : and what makes you say that?

 

**wild n thirsty** : it's taehyung

 

**wild n thirsty** : have u seen that boy??? he is,,, ethereal.

 

**wild n thirsty** : no one EVER feels just platonically towards him

 

**jellybum** : but don't YOU feel platonically towards him?

 

**wild n thirsty** : ya bcus mark exists

 

**jellybum** : then consider this: you're living proof that not everyone is in love with taehyung

 

**jellybum** : also, mark explicitly said he only needed his number for class

 

**jellybum** : and you trust mark, right?

 

**wild n thirsty** : yes ofc

 

**jellybum** : then either trust him with this, or talk to him like a grown ass man

 

**wild n thirsty** : :(((

 

**wild n thirsty** : i can't talk to him about this tho

 

**wild n thirsty** : we aren't even dating or anything, i don't,,,, have any right,,,,,, to tell him who he is or isn't allowed to be with,,

 

**jellybum** : well, yeah

 

**wild n thirsty** : oof!

 

**jellybum** : but i mean, talk to him about how u feel about him, not about u being weirdly possessive over him

 

**wild n thirsty** : i

 

**wild n thirsty** : oh fuck i AM being weirdly possesive aren't i

 

**wild n thirsty** : ugh gross gross gross thank u for calling me out ur right ofc ur right

 

**jellybum** : real friends call each other out for being disasters

 

**jellybum** : and you, my friend, are an actual disaster rn

 

**wild n thirsty** : :( ik

 

**jellybum** : seriously. you need to sit down mark, and actually talk to him.

 

**wild n thirsty** : im trying to!!

 

**wild n thirsty** : well

 

**wild n thirsty** : i've been imagining myself trying to talk to him about my ~feelings~

 

**wild n thirsty** : i think i read somewhere that if u can envision a positive outcome, then it will happen

 

**jellybum** : oh for fucks sake

 

**wild n thirsty** : im working on it!!

 

XOXOXO _  
_

_[chatroom:_ **_god is dead and bambam has killed him_ ** _]_

**shit the stage** : HAPPY HALLOWEEN

 

**youngbae** : Did you wait until midnight JUST to text that?

 

**certified** **Mom** : Of course he did

 

**dabdab** : alright u absolute fucking cunts it's my fucking birthday so nyall better fuckin treat me with respecc

 

**certified Mom** : It's not your birthday

 

**shit the stage** : it IS his birthday! on this day, 69 years ago, bambam crawled out of a pumpkin and was born

 

**dabdab** : i crawled out of a pumpkin 69 years ago!

 

**youngbae** : Shouldn't you be 69 years old then?

 

**dabdab** : i AM 69 years old

 

**dabdab** : and next year i turn 420 years old

 

**youngbae** : What...

 

**shit the stage** : and the year after THAT he turns 69 again!

 

**youngbae** : ...

 

**youngbae** : I'm going to bed now, goodnight!

 

**certified Mom** : I can't believe you two just made Youngjae run away

 

**shit the stage** : not our fault he doesn't understand how bambam's age works ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**dabdab** : yee

 

**dabdab** : ANYWAY

 

**dabdab** : ik everyone else is asleep and we haven't talked about halloween plans at all BUT i'm assuming we're doing what we always do xoxo

 

**certified Mom** : What if they want to do something else?

 

**dabdab** : they aren't :) allowed :))

 

**shit the stage** : is it wrong that i'm turned on by assertive bambam

 

**certified Mom** : Yes.

 

**shit the stage** : hmm

 

**dabdab** : gyeomie come give me my birthday spankings~~~~~

 

**certified Mom** : I need to leave. Right now. And wash my eyes out with bleach for reading that.

 

**shit the stage** : ;))

 

**dabdab** : ;)((

 

**certified Mom** : Dear God,

Please take away my two idiot sons. They're disgusting and I'm tired of them.

Love, Jinyoung.

 

**dabdab** : Dear Jinyoung,

Stop being homophobic.

Love, God.

 

**certified Mom** : Dear God,

I am, in no way, homophobic.

Love, Jinyoung.

 

**dabdab** : Dear Jinyoung,

Whatever, hetero.

Love, God.

 

**certified Mom** : Dear God,

... What?

Love, Jinyoung.

 

**dabdab** : Dear Jinyoung,

Heterosexuality is a disease. Get better soon, bitch!

Love, God.

 

**certified Mom** : You know what.

 

**certified Mom** : I give up. Goodnight.

 

**shit the stage** : goodnight~

 

**dabdab** : goodnight~~~

 

XOXOXO

 

_[chatroom:_ **_god is dead and bambam has killed him_ ** _]_

**wild n thirsty** : HAPPY HALLOWEEN BITCHEEES

 

**dabdab** : YEEES

 

**wild n thirsty** : BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY

 

**wild n thirsty** : happy birthday bambam uwuwuwuwu

 

**dabdab** : PAPA <3

 

**wild n thirsty** : i can't believe ur 69 years old today baby (ಥOಥ) u grew up so fast!!!

 

**dabdab** : papa... ( ᵒ _ᵒ ) <3333

 

**wild n thirsty** : <333333

 

**markipoo** : Happy Halloween!

 

**markipoo** : Just to verify, we're all just hanging out tonight, right?

 

**dabdab** : yes and if someone ditches :) im not afraid of going back to jail :)))(

 

**markipoo** : You haven't been to jail

 

**dabdab** : im :)))) not :)) afraid :))))) of going back :)))))))

 

**markipoo** : Alright

 

**markipoo** : What are you guys going as?

 

**dabdab** : gay

 

**markipoo** : You're always gay, what are you actually being

 

**dabdab** : oh

 

**dabdab** : mentally stable!

 

**jellybum** : oh my god

 

**jellybum** : isn't it too early for this shit

 

**shit the stage** : bambams going as sexy perry the platypus, and i'm gonna be sexy doctor doofenshmirtz

 

**markipoo** : ... What exactly is sexy about those costumes?

 

**shit the stage** : us. in them.

 

**dabdab** : we make it sexy just by wearing the costumes ;))

 

**wild n thirsty** : lame

 

**dabdab** : oh yeah? well what the fuck are u going as, punk?

 

**wild n thirsty** : im going as the queen of pop herself,,,,

 

**dabdab** : hyuna?

 

**wild n thirsty** : NO

 

**wild n thirsty** : hatsune miku

 

**markipoo** : ... You're lying

 

**markipoo** : You're lying, right?

 

**markipoo** : Jackson

 

**markipoo** : Jackson, I'm literally begging you

 

**wild n thirsty** : i can't help who i am

 

**dabdab** : i

 

**dabdab** : am speechless

 

**shit the stage** : ,,,,,

 

**shit the stage** : idk why i'm so surprised

 

**shit the stage** : i should've known you would do some dumb shit like this

 

**wild n thirsty** : "dumb shit like this" you're literally the dumbest piece of shit i've ever met can u NOT bully me for wanting to go as my main bitch hatsune miku??

 

**wild n thirsty** : someone back me up

 

**jellybum** : you're on your own, kid

 

**wild n thirsty** : ,,,, :((

 

**wild n thirsty** : mark,,??

 

**dabdab** : stop

 

**dabdab** : why would u ask him for help when u know ur jos gonna be upset when he inevitably tells u he's disappointed in u

 

**markipoo** : Um

 

**dabdab** : here it comes

 

**markipoo** : I think

 

**dabdab** : prepare yourself for disappointment

 

**markipoo** : You're going to be the prettiest Hatsune Miku anyone has ever seen

 

**dabdab** : ,,,,,

 

**dabdab** : bitch that's gay as fuck!!!

 

**shit the stage** : BAHAHAHAHHAHA

 

**wild n thirsty** : mark,,, omg,,,,,,

 

**wild n thirsty** : where are u rn i wanna succ ur dick

 

**dabdab** : ohMYDGDKJACSKSON!!

 

**dabdab** : U CANNOT JOS SAY SHIT LIKE THAT

 

**wild n thirsty** : i just did BITCH where r u markipoo cum here u deserve a good succ

 

**shit the stage** : i think u killed mark

 

**jellybum** : you definitely killed mark

 

**dabdab** : ,,,,,, happy halloween, mark is fuckin dead

 

**dabdab** : cause of death?

 

**dabdab** : jackson offered him The Succ

 

**youngbae** : Hey friends

 

**youngbae** : I just stepped on a snail

 

**shit the stage** : awww poor guy

 

**youngbae** : I can feel his ghost in my shoe :(

 

**shit the stage** : cute!! just in time for halloween

 

**youngbae** : Anyway, what is everyone else going as for halloween?

 

**jellybum** : i'm going as bart

 

**youngbae** : ... Again?

 

**jellybum** : yeah

 

**youngbae** : But you always go as Bart!

 

**jellybum** : its a classic

 

**jellybum** : unless u have a different costume for me to go as, i'll be going as bart again

 

**youngbae** : ... Actually

 

**youngbae** : I do have a spare costume

 

**shit the stage** : omg but why

 

**youngbae** : I knew this day would come

 

**dabdab** : i always knew u were a manipulative little bastard

 

**youngbae** : I didn't manipulate anything or anyone!

 

**youngbae** : I just... planned ahead, I guess

 

**youngbae** : But anyway, here's the costume!

 

**youngbae** :  **[SENT 4 ATTACHMENTS]**

**dabdab** : HA **  
**

**jellybum** : ,,,,, no way.

 

**youngbae** : You said if I had a different costume for you, you would wear it!

 

**jellybum** : did i though?? did i really????

 

**youngbae** : YES. YOU DID.

 

**jellybum** : hmmm

 

**jellybum** : sorry, i don't think i did

 

**youngbae** : Jaebum!

 

**jellybum** : why would i choose to go as the little mermaid when there's a whole ass bart simpson costume calling my name

 

**dabdab** : her name is ariel u uncultured swine

 

**youngbae** : Pleeeeaaase???? It matches miiiiiine

 

**jellybum** : what? are you going as flounder?

 

**youngbae** : No!!

 

**youngbae** : I'm going as Ursula >:)))

 

**shit the stage** : awwww cute

 

**dabdab** : adorable

 

**youngbae** : NO SHES EVIL STOP COOING OVER ME

 

**dabdab** : SHE might be evil, but U are tiny n cute

 

**youngbae** : Stop that!!!

 

**youngbae** : Jaebum, pleaaaaase??

 

**youngbae** : Jinyoung is going as Prince Eric!

 

**jellybum** : ,,,, and that's supposed to make me want to dress up as ariel?

 

**youngbae** : Well

 

**youngbae** : Yes!

 

**dabdab** : ya aren't u n jinyoung married anyway?? jos do it

 

**jellybum** : you can't see me, but i'm rolling my eyes rn

 

**youngbae** : Jaebum?? Please??? :( I have the costume and everything

 

**shit the stage** : jaebum u have to say yes now

 

**shit the stage** : or youngjaes gonna cry

 

**shit the stage** : u don't want that to happen, do u???

 

**shit the stage** : making bby youngjae cry????

 

**youngbae** : :'((((

 

**jellybum** : i

 

**jellybum** : ok

 

**jellybum** : fine

 

**youngbae** : !!!

 

**youngbae** : YAAYAYAYYAYAYAYYY

 

**jellybum** : but you owe me

 

**youngbae** : OKAY THATS OKAY!! THANK YOU JAEBUM <3

 

**jellybum** : ugh

 

**dabdab** : jaebum- 0

 

**dabdab** : youngjae- 1

 

**youngbae** : I read what everyone else is going as, but does anyone know what Mark is doing?

 

**shit the stage** : nope

 

**dabdab** : maybe he'll go as a heterosexual for halloween

 

**markipoo** : No way in hell.

 

**wild n thirsty** : !!!

 

**wild n thirsty** : MARK!!

 

**youngbae** : HAHAHHAHA

 

**shit the stage** : i can't believe mark came back from the dead just to tell everyone he won't even *pretend* to be straight

 

**dabdab** : i can't believe jackson came back from the dead just to try to get mark's attention

 

**jellybum** : really?? because both of those things are 100% believable

 

**dabdab** : ok yeah ur right

 

XOXOXO

 

_[ **wild n thirsty**  -->>  **markipoo** ]_

 

**wild n thirsty** : psst

 

**markipoo** : No

 

**wild n thirsty** : I DIDSDNT EVEN SAY ANBYTHIGN

 

**markipoo** : Sorry

 

**markipoo** : What were you going to say?

 

**wild n thirsty** : pls lemme succ

 

**markipoo** : Well, in that case

 

**wild n thirsty** : :))

 

**markipoo** : Can I take a rain check on that?

 

**wild n thirsty** : :((

 

**wild n thirsty** : what did u think i was gonna say that made u immediately say no?

 

**markipoo** : I don't know, I just assumed that it was something dumb and/or ridiculous

 

**wild n thirsty** : hmmm

 

**wild n thirsty** : that's fair

 

**wild n thirsty** : what are u going as for halloween?

 

**markipoo** : Oh

 

**markipoo** : Well, I was gonna go as Spider-man, but I decided to change it last minute

 

**wild n thirsty** : oooooh

 

**wild n thirsty** : what is it now?

 

**markipoo** : You'll see ;)

 

**wild n thirsty** : cehbaandhs

 

XOXOXO

 

_[ **wild n thirsty**  -->>  **jellybum** ]_

 

**wild n thirsty** : mark jos texted me a winky face and i literally,,,,,

 

**wild n thirsty** : ,,,, am going to nut,,,,,

 

**wild n thirsty** : this man is too powerful

 

**jellybum** : pls stop texting me everytime u think ur gonna nut over mark

 

XOXOXO

 

_[chatroom:_ **_god is dead and bambam has killed him_ ** _]_

**dabdab** : tonight

 

**dabdab** : will be a night

 

**dabdab** : to DIIIIIE FOOOR

 

**certified Mom** : I know I ask this all the time

 

**certified Mom** : But are you okay???

 

**dabdab** : i'm jos excited about halloween :(( u bully :((((

 

**jellybum** : bambam where are you?

 

**dabdab** : oh yugyeom wanted boba so we got boba we're on our way rn

 

**certified Mom** : You got boba looking like "sexy" Perry the Platypus? _  
_

**dabdab** : ya lol

 

**certified Mom** : You're so brave

 

**dabdab** : *blows u a kiss*

 

**certified Mom** : I don't want that, thanks!

 

**dabdab** : is everyone else there??

 

**certified Mom** : Mark isn't here yet, either

 

**jellybum** : he said he was finishing his costume

 

**dabdab** : ugh we lov a last minute queen!!!

 

**certified Mom** : But besides you, Yugyeom, and Mark, we're all here

 

**dabdab** : ok i'll tell yugyeom to speed on over there

 

**certified Mom** : DO NOT DO THAT. Tell him to drive safely.

 

**dabdab** : ok

 

**certified Mom** : Did you tell him?

 

**dabdab** : no i told him to go 80 mph in a school zone

 

**dabdab** : seeeee yaaaaaaa

 

**certified Mom** : BAMBAM.

 

XOXOXO

 

_[ **wild n thirsty**  -->>  **markipoo** ]  
_

 

**wild n thirsty** : where are u?

 

**markipoo** : I'm almost done!

 

**markipoo** : I just had to borrow Taehyung's sewing machine to finish up my costume, but I'll see you innnn

 

**markipoo** : 20?? Idk

 

**wild n thirsty** : oh ur with taehyung?

 

**markipoo** : Yeah

 

**markipoo** : He says hi

 

**wild n thirsty** : tell him i say hello back

 

**markipoo** : I just did!

 

**wild n thirsty** : ok

 

**wild n thirsty** : well, i'll see u soon!

 

**markipoo** : Yeah!

 

XOXOXO

 

_[ **wild n thirsty**  -->>  **jellybum** ]_

 

**wild n thirsty** : help i need u to tell me i'm being stupid and jealous for no reason

 

**jellybum** : you're being stupid and jealous for no reason

 

**jellybum** : what's up?

 

**wild n thirsty** : mark has been hanging out with taehyung a lot lately

 

**wild n thirsty** : and also rn

 

**wild n thirsty** : he's with taehyung rn

 

**jellybum** : wait is he not coming?

 

**wild n thirsty** : no no he is!!! he said he was just using tae's sewing machine

 

**wild n thirsty** : but,,, bambam has one,,,, so why didn't he just use bambam's,,,,??

 

**jellybum** : where are u rn

 

**wild n thirsty** : i'm ~crying in the bathroom~ lol

 

**wild n thirsty** : i'm just being stupid and overreacting right??

 

**jellybum** : a little

 

**jellybum** : but

 

**jellybum** : also dont invalidate your own feelings

 

**jellybum** : it's okay to feel sad over this type of stuff

 

**jellybum** : but just try to stay rational about it, you know?

 

**wild n thirsty** : yeah

 

**wild n thirsty** : hey can u send bambam in here with his makeup kit i cried a lot of my hatsune miku makeup off :((

 

**jellybum** : jackson :(

 

**jellybum** : he's on his way

 

**wild n thirsty** : thanks

 

**jellybum** : oh and jackson?

 

**wild n thirsty** : ya?

 

**jellybum** : you really are the prettiest hatsune miku

 

**wild n thirsty** : HAHAHAHA

 

**wild n thirsty** : damn i must have u rlly worried about me if ur saying that

 

**jellybum** : nah

 

**jellybum** : i mean it

 

XOXOXO

 

"Come in,"

 

When BamBam slowly opens the door, he prepares himself for the worst. He prepares himself for red rimmed eyes, puffy skin, smeared eyeshadow, and running mascara-- and while he is correct in assuming that's what he'll be dealing with, he completely forgets that this is  _Jackson_  he's dealing with.  _Jackson_ , who feels openly and freely, whowears his vulnerable heart on his sleeve, who has never been afraid of loving and being loved until--

 

" _Mark_ ," Jackson says simply, his voice raw and quiet. He's sitting on the floor next to the bathtub, looking outrageously small and young, clutching his discarded wig to his chest.

 

BamBam immediately feels his heart ache at the sight.

 

He thought he had prepared himself for "the worst", but really, he had only prepared himself for a few inconveniences in making Jackson look pretty again. He hadn't actually considered what he may be going through, hadn't actually prepared himself for how absolutely  _heartbroken_  Jackson would look.

 

"I messed up your makeup," He mumbles, looking up and twisting teal synthetic hair around his fingers, "'m sorry."

 

"It's okay, dude," BamBam says, instantly wishing Jinyoung were here to console Jackson instead of him.  _Jinyoung_  would know what to say.  _Jinyoung_  is an actual adult with a good grasp on people skills. BamBam, however, is, like, a half-baked adult, and has no fucking idea how emotions work and how to comfort friends.

 

"But you worked so hard on the makeup," Jackson whines, causing BamBam's heart to ache once again.

 

"Honestly," He insists, "It's okay. I'm more worried about you."

 

Jackson makes a sad, small noise in the back of his throat before lowering his head.

 

"Do you, um, wanna talk about it?" BamBam asks awkwardly, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. He carefully sets his makeup box beside him as he kneels down to face his friend. "What's up?"

 

Jackson laughs, strained and hoarse. "Nothing, really. I'm just sad, I guess."

 

"Sad about  _Mark_ ," BamBam says pointedly, and when Jackson flinches, he quickly adds, "but you don't have to tell me anything! I'm sorry for bringing--"

 

"No, it's fine, I'm fine," Jackson says, very obviously not fine.

 

"Are you  _sure_?"

 

Jackson frowns for a second, before fresh tears spring up in his eyes, and,  _shit_ , BamBam has  _no fucking idea_  how to diffuse this situation.

 

" _I'm sad!_ " Jackson wails loudly, startling BamBam so much he actually falls backwards.

 

"Shh, shh, shh, it's okay!" BamBam shouts over his wailing, frantically waving his hands, trying to think of what to do, what to  _say_ , but all that's going through his mind at that moment is  _whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck?_

 

" _I'm! Sad!_ " Jackson wails louder, smacking away BamBam's hands.

 

"Jackson,  _please!_ " BamBam smacks at Jackson's hands in retaliation, but when that doesn't stop his wailing, in a moment of sheer panic and desperation, BamBam  _body slams_ Jackson, and the anguished wails turn into horrified screams.

 

Jackson screams and  _screams_ , and BamBam fucking screams back because  _what the fuck else should he do_? He is  _panicking_  so he throws his full weight at Jackson, and, yeah, he doesn't actually weigh much, but Jackson is so surprised that BamBam manages to knock him onto his back, straddle his hips, and clasp his hands over his mouth.

 

" _Stop it!_ " He hisses down at a writhing Jackson, " _Be quiet!_ "

 

Jackson stills suddenly, and just stares up at BamBam, tears streaming down his face.

 

"Calm down," BamBam grits out, on the verge of hysterics, "and actually talk to me instead of just screaming! Just--  _talk to me!_ "

 

Jackson glances down at BamBam's hands, then glances back up at him with as if to say,  _How can I talk to you when your hands are on my fucking mouth, you piece of shit?_

 

BamBam fidgets nervously. "If I take my hands off your mouth, will you promise not to scream anymore?"

 

Jackson seems to consider this for a moment, before squinting and shaking his head in defiance.

 

"Wh--  _Jackson_."

 

Jackson squirms underneath BamBam, seems to realize he's being straddled, then wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

 

" _No_. Ew. Stop that."

 

Jackson continues wiggling his eyebrows.

 

"None of that!" BamBam scolds him, swallowing back laughter. "Now, I'm going to remove my hands. If you start to scream again, I'm going to draw dicks all over your face. Okay?"

 

Jackson shakes his head.

 

"I'll... I'll have Yugyeom beat you up!"

 

Jackson freezes.

 

"He'll do it if I ask him to, and you know it.

 

Jackson nods solemnly.

 

"Okay. Okay, I'm going to remove my hands in three... two..." He says, wincing as he hesitantly pulls his hands away from Jackson's mouth. Surprisingly, Jackson does not start wailing again. "You good?"

 

Jackson immediately sits up and shoves BamBam off of him. "No, I'm still fuckin' sad."

 

"Did you think screaming would help?"

 

"Bold of you to assume I think at all."

 

BamBam brings himself back up to his knees and shuffles over to Jackson before settling beside him. Jackson's face is turned away from him, and BamBam comes to the realization that it's more for his sake than Jackson's. Jackson knows that BamBam gets uncomfortable when having to deal with... well, shit like this. Jackson doesn't really care about others seeing him cry or scream or breakdown, but he  _does_  care about the comfort of those around him.

 

And if Jackson, even when he's barely keeping it together, can still try to make BamBam feel at ease, then BamBam can at least make more of an effort to console one of the most important people in his life.

 

So, yeah. BamBam is pretty awful at comforting friends and all that shit, but he'll try. For Jackson.

 

With newfound confidence, BamBam says, "I'm sorry," and wraps an arm around his shoulders. Jackson stiffens at first, obviously surprised by BamBam's sudden willingness to comfort him, before relaxing into his touch.

 

"Yeah, well. It be like that," He huffs out, rubbing at his eyes and effectively smearing what remaining eyeshadow he has left. "I don't even know why I'm so upset about this. I mean, it's not even a big deal. Obviously I don't  _own_  Mark or anything, but I just--"

"I understand," BamBam interrupts gently, "When you like someone, it's natural to feel jealous over them spending time with others. I mean, look how I flipped the fuck out over the thought of Yugyeom getting with Jungkook."

 

Jackson raises a single shoulder and drops it in a half-assed shrug. The movement is so pitiful, it almost makes BamBam smile. "I guess, yeah. I think I'm mostly just upset that I'm upset."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Like, I'm upset with myself for being upset that Mark's been hanging with Taehyung."

 

BamBam hums in understanding. "Well, why don't you tell me all about your gay ass feelings while I fix your makeup?"

 

Jackson's mouth quirks up at that. "Sounds like a plan."

 

BamBam unwinds his arm from around Jackson and reaches over to pop open the lid of his makeup box. He rummages around until he finds what he's looking for, and pulls out a pack of makeup wipes. "Here," He says, handing over a wipe, "Take off all your makeup, I'll just redo it."

 

"Okay."

 

After a brief moment of scrubbing at his face, Jackson speaks up suddenly, "Hey, Bam?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

Jackson smiles at him, face damp and concerningly red. "Thanks."

 

BamBam offers a smile in return. "You're welcome. Also, maybe don't scrub at your skin so hard. It's turning really red and you look really ugly."

 

"Bitch."

 

"Or maybe you're having an allergic reaction! Who knows, really?"

 

" _Bitch._ "

 

XOXOXO

 

_[ **shit the stage** \-->>  **dabdab** ]_

 

**shit the stage** : HEY WHERE R U

 

**shit the stage** : AND WHERE IS JACKSON?

 

**dabdab** : this is jackson!

 

**dabdab** : we're in the bathroom

 

**dabdab** : bambam's doing my makeup rn

 

**shit the stage** : ARE U ALMOST DONE

 

**dabdab** : idk lemme ask

 

**dabdab** : bambam says u can't rush art

 

**shit the stage** : tell bambam to fuck off it's been,,,, like an HOUR since anyone has seen u two

 

**dabdab** : actually, it's been maybe like 45 minutes and u have no concept of time

 

**shit the stage** : okay well mark is here and he wants to see u

 

**dabdab** : dqjdnea

 

**dabdab** : ok hi this is bambam now is not a good time bye bye

 

**shit the stage** : BAMBAM PLEASE

 

**shit the stage** : i don't know what's going on but jackson NEEDS to see this

 

**shit the stage** : bambam

 

**shit the stage** : bambam

 

**shit the stage** : BAMBAM. PLEASE. TRUST ME ON THIS

 

**dabdab** : FUCKIN HOLD ON IM JOS APPLYING HIGHLIGHTER AND THEN IM DONE AND ILL BE OUT WITHQ JACKSON OKAY JESUS FUCKIN CHRIST

 

**shit the stage** : DONT YELL AT ME

 

**dabdab** : IM SORRY IM SORRY I LOVE U IM JOS A LITTLE OVERWHELMED RN

 

**shit the stage** : ITS OKAY I LOVE U TOO I UNDERSTAND

 

**dabdab** : ILL BE OUT SOON OKAY??

 

**shit the stage** : OKAY SEE U SOON

 

XOXOXO

 

_[ **markipoo** \-->>  **wild n thirsty** ]_

 

**markipoo** : Hey! Where are you?

 

**wild n thirsty** : bambam just finished reapplying my makeup, i'm omw out now

 

**markipoo** : I'm in the kitchen

 

**wild n thirsty** : okay

 

**wild n thirsty** : um also

 

**wild n thirsty** : i need to talk to you

 

**wild n thirsty** : about something important

 

**markipoo** : Is everything okay?

 

**wild n thirsty** : yeah! well, it is now

 

**wild n thirsty** : i was rlly Goin Thru It earlier but idk i worked some shit out and i feel better

 

**wild n thirsty** : but n e ways u know ur my best friend right?

 

**markipoo** : Yeah! Of course

 

**wild n thirsty** : okay cool

 

**wild n thirsty** : i just

 

**wild n thirsty** : after i talk to u

 

**markipoo** : About the "something important"?

 

**wild n thirsty** : yeah after that

 

**wild n thirsty** : idk what will happen after that but just

 

**markipoo** : Jackson

 

**wild n thirsty** : wait shhh just promise me you'll still be my friend

 

**markipoo** : What?

 

**wild n thirsty** : never mind, u don't have to promise me that

 

**wild n thirsty** : just know that ur my best friend and i'm sorry if this makes everything awkward between us afterwards but i have to tell u

 

**markipoo** : Jackson

 

**wild n thirsty** : but that's stupid because i've told u before?? but i guess i haven't RLLY told u?????

 

**markipoo** : Jackson

 

**wild n thirsty** : mark can u hold on for a hot second i'm rlly trying to Get It Together bcus this kinda important hahaha h aha h a h a

 

**markipoo** : JACKSON.

 

**wild n thirsty** : WOT.

 

**markipoo** : Put away your phone for two minutes and come to the kitchen!

 

**wild n thirsty** : here's the thing:

 

**wild n thirsty** : i am a coward and i'm kinda just stalling at this point

 

**markipoo** : Then I'll meet you halfway

 

**wild n thirsty** : wot?

 

**markipoo** : Come to the living room

 

**wild n thirsty** : seeeee here's the thiiiing

 

**markipoo** : Do you trust me?

 

**wild n thirsty** : duh

 

**markipoo** : Then come to the living room!

 

**wild n thirsty** : okay

 

XOXOXO

 

_Do you trust me?_

 

Jackson shoves his phone into his boxers (God, he really misses having pockets. Why doesn't Hatsune Miku have pockets? She's really out there living like this?) and scoffs. What kind of question is that? Of  _course_  he trusts Mark. It's just that he doesn't trust  _himself_. What if he fucks everything up? What if he and Mark have a falling out, and, as a result of Markson being destroyed, their entire friend group falls apart? Who's going to get custody over the maknaes?

 

_Who's going to keep Coco?_

 

Youngjae, probably, but-- _  
_

He's psyching himself out, he realizes. Okay. Deep breaths.

 

He gives himself a moment to sort through his thoughts. The thing is, Jackson's life can easily be summed up in two stages: Life Before Mark, and his personal favorite, Life After Mark. So if Jackson fucks this up, then his entire world will shift, and he's kinda not here for what may very well be Life Without Mark.

 

Jackson is self aware enough to recognize when he's being a little (a lot) dramatic, but Jackson can barely remember a time when he wasn't in love with his best friend, let alone a time when Mark wasn't a constant fixture in his life, and  _un_ learning how to live with Mark is going to be a pain in his ass and it might as well kill him.

 

...maybe Jinyoung has a point when he calls him a melodramatic baby, but. Well, whatever, Jackson huffs. It's Halloween. It's the perfect time to be dramatic and broody and miserable.

 

"Jackson," Youngjae says, suddenly appearing behind his shoulder, promptly tearing him from his thoughts as well as almost causing him a heart attack.

 

" _Holy sh_ \-- Youngjae, you can't do that!"

 

The younger boy laughs loudly and slaps his arm in amusement. "I only called your name!"

 

"Well, you startled me!" Jackson protests indignantly.

 

Youngjae waves his hand dismissively, smile warming as he says, "Sure, okay. Hey, Mark is waiting in the living room for you."

 

"Yeah," Jackson winces, "I know."

 

"Don't look so worried! It'll be fine, I swear," He says firmly, eyes shimmering in the low light of the hallway. Youngjae speaks with conviction when he says, "Just walk up to him, and the power of love will do the rest of the work."

 

_Oh..._ Jackson almost coos at him.  _This sweet summer child..._

Maybe it's the magic of Hatsune Miku herself, maybe it's Youngjae's sunshine aura, but he does feel less queasy than he had earlier. He huffs and gives an almost aggressive nod. _"_ You know what? You're right! The power of love!"

 

"Yeah!" Youngjae shouts, pumping his fists so visciously it almost knocks his white Ursula wig crooked. "The power of love! Go get 'em, Jackson!"

 

Youngjae sends him off with a forceful pat on his back and a hopeful smile before meandering his way down the hall to locate Jinyoung and Jaebum.

 

Alone, Jackson steels his nerves one last time. Right. He can do this.

 

He quickly makes his way towards the living room, as if on autopilot. That's probably for the best, Jackson thinks almost hysterically. If he gets there fast enough, he won't have the time to lose his courage or change his mind about talking to Mark.

 

As he nears the living room, he repeats Youngjae's words in his mind like a mantra.

 

_Power of love, power of love_.

 

And then, he thinks about his beloved Hatsune, because the sheer ridiculousness of his outfit is enough to keep him from getting too dismal in his internal monologue.

 

_The world is mine,_ he assures himself, before adding an extra  _bitch_ for good measure.

 

He's standing in the dark living room before he knows it, but between all the strobe lights and spiderwebs that both Yugyeom and BamBam have put up, as well as with how all the actual lights have been turned off, he's having trouble discerning where Mark actually is (which is  _stupid_ , because there's only ever twenty people  _max_  at their small Halloween gatherings, so really, it shouldn't be all that hard to locate him). Still. There's enough people in the living room that he feels cramped, and that certainly doesn't help his nerves that much.

 

Surveying the moving bodies around him, Jackson decides that maybe him not being able to find Mark is actually a sign from the heavens. Jackson sighs in both relief and disappointment, a strange cloying feeling making his chest ache in the strangest way. He gives a little shout out to God for saving him from this embarrassment. Jackson turns on his heel, ready to bop his candy ass right the fuck--

 

"Jackson!"

 

\-- _shit._

Jackson does a quick mental check. He currently has a couple of options. He could keep walking out and pretend he never texted Mark about talking to him about "something serious", which Mark  _definitely_  won't let slide,  _or_  he could face Mark and... oh! Brilliant idea! He applauds his own genius. Wild, sexy,  _and_ smart, that's him!

 

Instead of telling Mark he's in love with him, has  _been_ in love with him and intends on remaining very much in love with him, he  _could_  always make some shit up-- like, um--  _maybe_ his great aunt's cousin's neighbor's daughter pet turtle died, and  _that's_  what he wanted to talk about! He's near tears contemplating the size of his massive intellect and cleverness. How is Mark going to tell if he's lying? And so what if this makes him a coward? At least this way, he won't have to worry about jeapordizing their relationship.

 

Mind made up, Jackson takes a deep breath to calm down, plasters on a wide grin, and--

 

"Mark!" He greets nonchalantly (panicked, so panicked, his voice is three pitches too high), whirling around to face--  _what the actual fuck?_

His eyes land on Mark, standing there in all his shitty blue-wigged glory, wearing what looks to be a decrepit white trench coat, a blue scarf , and  _holy mother of Vocaloids, that's a fucking Kaito cosplay._ Mark Tuan, the most beautiful man Jackson's ever had the privilege of seeing is dressed up as a Japanese voice synthesizer software. Mark doesn't even _know_  Vocaloid, which means he did some type of researching bullshit for  _him_ , for  _Jackson_.

 

Jackson feels like he's developing a boner, but like,  _of the heart_. A heart boner. A bort, perhaps.

 

He decides to contemplate the intricacies of heart boner's for another day.

 

_He did this for you,_  whispers a voice that sounds vaguely like Youngjae _._

"Hey," Mark greets him, almost sheepish. He fiddles with the end of his ratty scarf.

 

Jackson's heart boner throbs.

 

At that point, Jackson decides to just-- just throw caution to the wind, yeet that bitch out of here, as he finally,  _finally_  puts his whole heart on display for Mark, and tells him as sincerely as possible--

 

"I'm in love with you."

 

XOXOXO

 

_[ **shit the stage** \-->>  **dabdab** ]_

 

_**shit the stage** : hey how do u think jackson is doing rn?_

 

_**dabdab** : idk but i'm sure he's fine_

 

XOXOXO

 

Jackson is most definitely certainly  _not_  fine.

 

The second those words leave his mouth, it's like his dumb anxiety launches back at him full force. He starts to stammer excuses, begins to backtrack, until Mark shuts him up by putting his palm over his lips, and Jackson would be half tempted to bite the shit out of his hand if not for the precarious situation. Blood roars in his ears, and although he knows he could break away and run at any time, Jackson feels frozen, rooted to the floor.

 

"Jackson," Mark says slowly, eyes dark and unreadable, and  _this is it, this is when the power of love will win_ , Jackson waits with baited breath--

 

"Did you really just confess you're in love with me while you're in full Hatsune Miku getup?"

 

Jackson blinks. Huh. That didn't sound like an 'I'm in love with you, too' at all.

 

"Um." He licks his lips nervously, and when Mark's eyes flicker down to watch the movement, Jackson decides that he would like to die right now, please.

 

"Jackson," Mark repeats himself, sounding suspiciously close to laughter, "Did you or did you  _not_  just confess your love for me while we're both dressed up like-- like absolute _weebs_?"

 

"No," Jackson lies.

 

" _Jackson._ "

 

"...So what if I did?" He raises his chin defiantly. Mark bursts into the high pitched laughter that's been waiting to come out this whole conversation. It's so freaking cute that Jackson finds himself smiling wryly with him, heart boner returning full force.

 

"I hate you," Mark manages to gasp out between laughs.

 

Jackson blinks. "What? Why?" He demands, without any actual fire. Look, Jackson wants to be angry, because anger would be the normal reaction to your crush laughing at you after you've just confessed your undying love for them, but his crush is  _Mark_ , and how can he be angry with him when he looks so  _happy_  and his laughter is so infectious, and _Jackson_  is the one that made him laugh like that?

 

"Because," Mark says finally, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes, "That would mean one day, when we have to tell others about what happened, we'll have to tell them  _you confessed while crossdressing as Hatsune Miku_ ,"

"Well," Jackson splutters, cheeks turning pink, "You're dressed as Kaito!"

 

"I  _know,_  and it's awful," Mark snorts.

"It's not awful!" Jackson protests defensively, grabbing at Mark's hands to get his point across. Mark has to know how appreciative he is. "You worked hard on this costume. You look amazing!"

 

Mark glances down at their intertwined fingers, then back up at Jackson. Jackson realizes what he's done, feels like he's a moment away from dying from embarrassment, but doesn't let go.

 

"You worked hard on that costume," Jackson repeats, pouting.

 

"I know." And this time there is no trace of laughter in his voice when he says, "I wanted to make you smile."

 

Oh. Jackson squeezes his hands, voice coming out strangled when he says, "I know. Thank you."

 

Mark sounds amused when he responds, "You're welcome."

 

Jackson coughs and starts to say slowly, "So, I did just tell you that I'm in love with you."

 

"Hmm," Mark raises his eyes to the ceiling, as if he's trying to recall, "Did you?"

 

_Asshole,_ Jackson thinks fondly.

 

" _Yes_. I did," He says instead, devising to humor Mark, "Did you have anything you wanted to tell me in response?"

 

"I did, actually," Mark says softly. Jackson hopes his palms aren't getting clammy from his nerves.

 

"Well, go on, then. What did you want to tell me?"

 

"I..." Mark swallows thickly, then smiles at him nervously, "Jackson Wang, I am utterly in love with Hatsune Miku."

 

Jackson's heart drops out of his fucking ass. " _Mark_."

Mark laughs so hard, tears actually start forming in his eyes, "It's devastating, really, how much I'm devoted to her."

 

"You  _shit_!" Jackson exclaims and releases Mark's hands in utter disbelief. "You piece of shit! You're a terrible person! You can't just--"

 

But then he is abruptly and effectively cut off by the sudden feeling of lips on his.

 

Mark is kissing him.  _Mark is kissing him._ Mark is currently giggling against his mouth, their noses knock together and Jackson has to spit out the synthetic teal hair that somehow gets caught between their mouths, but Mark is kissing  _him_ , and everything is perfect and nothing else matters.

 

Jackson's eyes slide shut, Mark's hands gently cupping his cheeks, pulling him in closer and  _closer_ , and Jackson's brain short circuits. He reminds himself dimly that the living room is still pretty packed, but along with his cautions, he yeets his ability to care off into the distance in favor of kissing Mark even more.

 

"I'm in love with you, too," Mark confesses against his lips, and kisses him again, soft, gentle, shy, and it just feels  _so very_   _Mark_  that Jackson practically combusts.

 

"I can't believe we're making out in our Vocaloid cosplays," Jackson breathes, "That's kinda kinky,"

 

"And _I_  can't believe you're making out in front of everyone," someone coughs uncomfortably, and they jump away from each other to find Jaebum in his Ariel costume, all in his red haired, shell bra glory. He's standing off to the side in the hallway's arch, eyeing them with a mixture of equal parts disgust and fondness. "Get a room, you two," He snorts before walking away.

 

Jackson would be more embarrassed if it weren't for the fact that he  _knows_  Jaebum has been rooting for this.

"We were hardly making out! It was a pure, innocent moment, and you ruined it!" Jackson yells at Jaebum's retreating back.

 

"Actually," Mark corrects him, "You ruined it as soon as you called us kissing  _'kinda kinky'_." _  
_

Jackson considers it for a moment. "Fair, fair. But are you telling me macking in cosplay isn't kinky?"

"You  _just_  said it was a 'pure' and 'innocent' moment."

 

"...Can't it have been both?"

 

"No. Pick one or the other."

 

"Well," Jackson says, grinning wickedly, "Maybe we should kiss again? You know, so I can figure out which one it is."

 

Jackson can tell Mark is trying to hold back his laughter when he answers, "Whatever helps."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i considered making the markson arc more slowburn, but i figured making u guys wait almost 6 months was slowburn enough so ur welcum! once again, i prove that i am a kind and benevolent god  
> thank u for all ur comments and kudos i truly do NOT deserve any of it asdzgdha but it makes me so happy to see that u lil fucklings enjoying my shit posting!!111!!! im lov u all sm u make my heart so wet ugh thanks daddies
> 
> stan tumblr: saltygot7  
> stan twitter: taetuans


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